DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 12/28/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: What do you say to women when you are calling them for the first time after meeting them?
Answer: I speak to women on the phone the same way I would if I were talking to them live. Basically I try to “qualify” them to see if I am interested in pursuing anything further with them.
It is basically an interactive conversation based on what I ask and what comes up in response to my questions.
I let my own interest guide me. I don’t have a set patter of questions. I ask what I want to know about a person and as I ask more and more, usually more things come up that I want to know.
I try to get a feel for their personality and their interests to see if I feel they are compatible with me.
Women can tell I am qualifying them, and they like that. It shows that I am sane and not needy. If I am interested in them they will feel a little special as they know that I am not interested in just “anyone.”
I ask very common questions like, “What do you do?”, “What area do you live in?”, “Where are you from originally?” to get the conversation going, then I ask questions about their answers after that. “Do you like doing that?”, “Is that fun?”, “How long have you lived there?”
I don’t ask all these types of questions in a row. Usually I will ask one of the above and then their response leads me into other questions. When I exhaust a line of questioning, then I will ask another basic question.
I try to listen to what the woman says as much as possible and qualify her by asking more questions. Talking about myself doesn’t qualify her and I do that as little as possible – only in response to her questions.
So for example, if I ask a woman, “What do you do?” and she says, “I am an accountant.” I might then ask, “How do you like that?” If she says, “I like it a lot”, I would probably come back with, “Really, why is that?”
I try to ask a lot of open-ended questions so the woman can talk a lot and I can see what kind of personality and interests she has.
This is really not difficult stuff, especially if you let your own interest and curiosity guide you. Just ask the things you want to know, listen a lot and ask some more.
Women like guys who listen. I close 90% of my first dates for a second date so listening is not something that will ever hurt you.
Mr. L. Rx
