The 3 Ways To Flirt On Facebook

Want to flirt and meet people for dating on Facebook, but don’t know how?

Well anyone who has been following my writings knows that all strategies to meet people are situational, and that people have different personalities and respond differently to different approaches. And that most strategies require “gradients” or steps. But here are some basics on how to flirt on Facebook that apply to most situations. (For more detailed situational and personality approaches see “Dating To Relating – From A To Z)

On Facebook, your flirting strategy will depend on whether you are approaching a complete stranger, a friend of a friend, or someone you know in real life.

Let’s take the case of approaching someone you know in real life first as that is the easiest to flirt with. That breaks down into two sub groups, people who are already your friend on Facebook, and people who you know who are not your Friend on Facebook yet.

If they are already your friend on Facebook, this is the simplest task. The first gradient of flirting (use when you are totally unsure of your standing with this person) is to comment on some of their posts and pictures. Don’t comment on every one. You don’t want to be a Facebook stalker! And keep your comments short and appropriate. Also, don’t always be the first one to comment. You don’t want to seem TOO eager.

If the other person is interested in you they will reply to your comments. It doesn’t really matter what you say as long as it is appropriate. This is a basic dating principal. If a person is interested in you they will keep the conversation going.

Remember that less can be more. Watch the wordiness of your posts. If someone uses 5 words to comment, don’t post a dissertation in response. Match their style. Don’t update your profile every 5 minutes. And don’t keep commenting when a person is not responding. Wait for a response. Some people don’t check Facebook everyday. They will answer you when they do log in, but if they have 5 comments from you they may not. That might just freak them out.

So if the person ignores your comments, know there isn’t much interest. That is why you want to keep your comments neutral and appropriate. It may be embarrassing if you get rejected on Facebook for everyone to see.  Neutral comments like “that looks cool” won’t be too embarrassing if ignored, but know if the person has any real interest in you, even a simple comment like that will get a response.

If a person totally ignores you then it is best to back off. Try some of the lower gradients that I will discuss in a moment to flirt with “friends of friends” and “strangers”.

If you are successful and the person always seems to respond to your comments, step it up a notch, do some pokes, use some apps which allow you to send virtual “gifts”, “drinks”, “flowers” and the like. Chat when he/she comes on line. A simple “hello” will do. See if he/she keeps the chat going.  If the person is responding back then it is time to move it up a gradient and take the “flirt” off of Facebook.

If you are confident in the way things are going, send them a message (don’t write on their wall) asking them to go on a date, out to a movie, dinner and dancing. Use their profile to discover their likes and come up with something they would like. You can also just call them if you have their number and do the same. If you don’t you can suggest “let’s talk on the phone” as a gradient before asking them out.  Some people just like to flirt as long as it doesn’t get serious. Asking for a phone call is a way to sort the “window shoppers” from the real deal.

Another gradient before asking for a date is to take it off of Facebook in a non-date setting. Organize a party or event for your friends and invite the person you are interested in. If they show up or even apologize (if they have something already planned) and say “next time” then that is a good response. When you meet use the live setting to get to know the person and step up your flirting or “asking out” for a real date accordingly. (Perhaps you ought to get a copy of “Dating To Relating – From A To Z” for the live interaction.)

Now the next scenario is how to flirt with the person who is NOT already a friend on Facebook. The first step here is asking them to be friends. Before you do that, make sure your profile is representing you the way you want it to.

A high degree of flirt is to make it known on your profile that you are “single and looking”. When the person checks out your profile they will know what you are up to. This will blow away people who are in a relationship or not interested for other reasons instantly. This is both good and bad. Bad because you will lose some people you may have been able to get with a lower gradient approach and good because if someone responds to your “comments” favorably you know they are interested.

Now you might want to set up a more moderate profile. You can state you are single, but don’t mention that you are looking to date. Instead say you are looking for friends, networking, and state what your passions are. In either case, make sure you put down on your profile your interests, likes, music, books, etc. so a person with similar interests can connect with you. You may want to check out the profile of the person you are interested in first.

Make sure your profile connects with their interests. (Make it real though. It is never a good idea to fake personality traits as this will just back fire on you later in the relationship when they find out you don’t really like those things.)

This kind of profile will make it clear that you are not trying to flirt with every person of the opposite sex that you meet.

So when you have your profile set up it is time to ask the person to be friends. Depending on how well you know them make sure you mention how you met or know each other in the message, and give them a non flirting reason to be your friend. For example, “We had a great talk about paranormal phenomenon at that party last weekend. “Friend” me here and I will show you some great Facebook pages and groups on the topic.”

If you have read any of my books and know about “creating future”, this is the thing you want to establish in this message. Give the person a reason to share things with you in the “future” on Facebook. Building up common interest is a good prelude to the flirting to follow.

After the person friends you, deliver on your promise and share from time to time. Don’t’ share everything at once. You will run out of “future” flirt too quick that way. Share common interests every few days or so, as you find new things. Otherwise begin to work this person as we did above in the section about people who are already your friends on Facebook.

The next case is How To Flirt with a friend of a friend on Facebook.

There are a number of ways you can approach this.

1)      You can tell your friend what you are up to and ask them to suggest you as a friend or even send them a link to your profile saying “Check out this guy/gal. He/she is single too and I think you guys have a lot in common. You should “friend” him. (Make sure your profile is cool before you do this.)

2)      You can send a friend request with a message saying “You came up under my suggestions and we have 15 mutual friends in common. Have we met before?” Or “I am a friends of George’s. I am surprised we haven’t met. I notice we have a lot of common interests. Let’s be friends.”

3)      A lower gradient is to start a discourse by messaging them to see if they even respond. Don’t ask to be friends yet. Just try to establish some “future” here. Give them a reason to want to share things with you in the “future” on Facebook. For example, “I see you are a friend of George’s and that you go to LAMC. I go to LAMC too. What classes do you take? I am looking to form some study groups here on Facebook.”

Now if they don’t respond, then let it go. But if they friend you treat them like you did the friend above, who you knew in real life but was not a friend on Facebook yet.

Finally, how can we use Facebook to meet strangers and flirt with them?

Well it is against Facebook Terms of Service to spam people so you don’t want to do that as that might just lose you your account.

The first thing is to set up your profile the right way. In addition to the things we mentioned above, make sure you have lots of pictures and friends. If you don’t you may be perceived to be a weirdo or a spammer, because the false profiles usually have just one picture and no friends.

The way to meet complete strangers on Facebook is through joining groups, and creating groups and “pages”.  By doing these things you will meet new people with similar interests as a starting point. (Note: you can’t see who “likes” a page unless you are the admin who started it.)

Meeting strangers is done on a very low gradient. Meet and “friend”both men and women with similar interests. Maybe you will luck out in one of your groups and meet someone you really like and can begin to flirt with him/her. But don’t worry about that. Look at their friends. Especially try to meet and “friend” the men and women who know a lot of cute men/women. Befriend them. You don’t have to flirt with these people. Just develop a relationship with them.

Once you have done this and developed “friends” and “friends of friends” through groups and pages, flirt with them just as you would in these two categories above.  And that’s how you flirt on Facebook.