DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 6/15/09

Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx

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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)

Question: I am only 18 and don’t want to really settle down with one person yet, but I do want to meet women and have fun. What do you recommend?

Answer: Well first and foremost, I recommend that you are honest with the women you meet and tell them exactly the kind of relationship you are looking for.

Whether you want a traditional or non-traditional relationship, honesty is always the best policy.

I have personally had a variety of relationships in my life from one night stands to marriage and everything in between. One night stands, although perhaps not as advisable in this time of AIDS as when I did it in the 70s, are only hurtful when one person is playing another. When one person is lying and making it look like they want more than a one-nighter, it can be very hurtful.

When two people agree to have a one night stand because that is what they are both looking for, there is usually no hurt involved. Men seem to think that there are no women that are into one-nighters, but the truth is there are plenty. However, most women can tell when you are just trying to take advantage of them and lying to them. And although you may occasionally find a sucker, more women than not will turn down an offer from an obvious liar.

When you are truthful and just tell someone what you are really looking for you will find that there are usually plenty more women who are willing to co-operate with an honest guy then there are suckers who can be taken in by a liar.

Telling the truth is also very important when seeking a traditional relationship. Many guys lie and pretend like they like certain things to attract a woman. For example, a guy might be a gentleman and open the door for a woman, put his coat around her when she is cold, etc. when in fact it is a lie. He is not a gentleman, and is only doing those things because he wants to get the girl “in a relationship.”

Of course, when he then lands her as a girlfriend, he stops the chivalry after a while, which of course leads to complaints from her a short time later.

You see he was lying – pretending to be someone he really wasn’t and although lies may work in the short frame of things, in the long frame they will always backfire. If a girl is attracted to you because you are a gentleman or chivalrous, you can’t suddenly stop doing those things just because you are now married or she is now your girlfriend.

But the sad truth is when the actions are a “lie”, when a guy really isn’t a gentleman, and really doesn’t want to be chivalrous, he is going to stop doing it sooner or later because he really doesn’t like doing it. Or if he continues doing it anyway, he will build up resentment and start treating the woman badly in other ways.

The good thing about life is there is someone for everyone. You don’t have to pretend to be something you aren’t to attract people. Perhaps you may have to get a little better at learning how to meet people who would be attracted to you, but believe me there is someone who would like you just the way you are.

So when you meet people the best course of action is always tell the truth about yourself and what you are looking for.

Mr. L.  Rx

DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 6/8/09

Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx

Released by AssociatedNews.US

Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)

Question: After reading Dating to Relating – From A to Z, what other steps do you recommend to take?

Answer: After or even during reading Dating To Relating – From A to Z, I recommend you get as much experience as you can meeting women. Try different situations. Go to malls, to clubs, to bookstores, to the park, etc. Go online and email, IM and text women on dating sites.

Talk to as many women as you can. Ask questions and listen to their answers. Ask them what you really want to know.

Set aside time to do nothing but focus on approaching, meeting and talking to women.

Listen, listen, listen.

Observe, observe, observe.

Question: How do you find a good long term relationship?

Answer: Long term relationships require a certain amount of compatibility and common interest. Long term relationships start with understanding yourself and qualifying the people you meet to make sure they would be compatible with your personality.

After you are in a compatible relationship, long term relationships require that you keep creating them. Too many people look at a mate as a possession. They do all kinds of things to get the mate into a relationship, then stop creating.

A good rule to remember is that whatever you did to attract a person into a relationship in the first place, you have to continue doing “even more of” and “better” once you are in a relationship.

Don’t build a relationship on lies. Don’t do things that you don’t want to do just to get someone. That will always doom a relationship to failure because you won’t be able to keep it up forever.

Question: I’m Puerto Rican, I just want to know, does this method work on any kind of woman of any nationality?

Answer: The principals I teach in Dating To Relating – From A to Z are universal. They will work on any woman of any nationality.

I personally have had relationships with women from every continent on earth and from every major culture. The interesting thing I discovered is although there are definitely differences between cultures, personality types are consistent culture to culture. There are more differences within a culture as a result of many personality types then there are between the same personality types from different cultures.

Question: How do you deal with rejection?

Answer: Well, first of all, I don’t set myself up for rejection. I always approach situations by communication on a gradient. And I also qualify women. I look for the type of woman I want and reject 90% of the women I meet as not qualified.

I select a gradient that tells me if a woman is interested without my being totally obvious. For example, when I approach a stranger on the street or in a store, I might say something neutral like “Hi, do you have the time?”

Now if a women is interested she will find a way of keeping the conversation going. If she is not, she can walk away. Since “attraction” was never mentioned or brought up, there is no sense of rejection.

Mr. L.  Rx

DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 6/1/09

Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx

Released by AssociatedNews.US

Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)

Question: How do you stand out from the crowd?  If you are sitting down eating with friends, is this a viable spot to approach someone?

Answer: A lot of guys think that you have to stand out from the crowd physically to create attraction. Well that might be true for some guys. I mean if you are a great looking guy you will probably stand out.

However, I was a great looking guy when I was 18-20 years old and I couldn’t get a girlfriend for the life of me. I would attract them, but as soon as I opened my mouth and started talking I drove them away.

Now, although I am in my fifties and balding, I have more 20+ year old girlfriends then I ever had in my 18-20 year old prime.

Why? Well, later on when I was 25, I learned that it was motion, positioning, and what you said that made you stand out from the crowd.

You see, everything is situational. What stands out for one girl is boring and mundane for another.  So the first thing you have to learn is to observe a situation and create the attraction factor specifically for that situation.

Walking up to a hot girl and telling her she is hot will not make you stand out from the crowd. You will be the fifteenth guy who has done that today.

Ignoring the plain looking girl in favor of her hot looking friend won’t make you stand out from the crowd either. You will be the typical guy to both girls. But ignoring the hot looking girl in favor of the plain looking one – well that just might impress them both.

Being afraid to approach the girl who is so hot she is intimidating won’t make you stand out from the crowd either.  Running away to guzzle a few beers to build your courage won’t help. But simply walking up to her and asking her to dance the minute you see her… How many guys can do that?

You see every situation has different variables that make one stand out from the crowd. Start observing situations. What happens when you sit down and eat with friends? What do most people do and say to the type of girl you are interested in? How do they stand and move with respect to her?

Well don’t do and say that. Don’t move like that. Say something different. Do or say something different yet interesting and unique, and you will have instant attraction.

Here is an example: I was once at a party and there was a really hot woman who was surrounded by about 10 guys drooling all over her. I ignored her for about the first hour at the party and made sure she noticed me ignoring her. Then I walked by her and the 10 guys when I was strolling through the kitchen and I heard her say “I like weird people.” Without stopping I simply said as I walked by, “Well you would really like me ‘cause I am really weird.”

She dropped these 10 guys and was all over me in a minute. She was with me the rest of the party and we left together that night.

I stood out from the crowd because I was the only guy at the party ignoring her, and I was the only guy willing to state that I was weird – something she really liked.

So there you have it. Attraction is created by being interesting and unique. What is interesting and unique is different for different people in different situations. But if you observe long enough it will be obvious.

Mr. L. Rx