DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 12/14/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column.(Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Do all women play “head games”? Or just a certain type?
Answer: Playing “head games” is not inherent to either men or women. It is more of a “personality type” issue. Unfortunately, a lot of dating gurus, of the same personality type, teach people strategies that are “head games.”
Most “head games” are uncomfortable unless you know the counter “head game.” The strategies that I teach are not head games but observational strategies and are usually received in a comfortable manner by others.
I would estimate that the majority of people do not play head games. However, a woman’s tendency for subtle communications can sometimes mistakenly be identified as a head game.
Most women won’t usually come out and say that they find a guy attractive, for example. Some men take this as a head game and wonder why women can’t just be direct like men.
But there is a difference here. Head games are usually designed to control or manipulate someone’s behavior in a somewhat heartless and careless way.
When a woman communicates in subtleties to a man, she is doing it for survival. Men are aggressive enough with women. If a woman gives a man encouragement to be even more aggressive, it could be a mistake that results in bad consequences. Most women want to check out the guy’s personality first before they give him any clear signals he can act upon.
How can you tell the difference between “head games” and “subtleties.” Well, there are books written by women instructing women how to play head games with men. Things like “never be on time”, “never return a guy’s phone call”, “always make him pay for dinner”, etc. are “head games” which are taught.
These strategies are not situational and are some misinformed woman’s idea of how to control “men” in general. What they don’t get is that these type of strategies only work on a certain personality type of man.
Don’t confuse these purposeful manipulations that women are taught to do to “all” men with subtle communications – such as a women “not” telling you she is very attracted to you while she goes out with you any time you ask. This girl isn’t trying to manipulate you she just wants to get to know you better before she decides if she wants to be your girlfriend.
In the final analysis, people have personalities and both men and women have different personalities types. Be wary of anyone who gives you advice that says ALL women or ALL men are like this….blah, blah, blah.
DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 11/30/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column.(Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, this girl at my school always plays with her hair when she talks to me. Other dating gurus have said this is a sign that a girl is flirting with you, but I am not sure. What do you think?
Answer: Well, I have heard the myth too, and it is mostly that – a myth. Most women play with their hair out of boredom. If you observe closely you will see that the women who play with their hair do it all the time in a lot of situations even when talking to other girls.
I think the myth got started because if you flirt back with a women who is bored who you think is flirting with you, she will probably get into it and flirt back with you, so it looks like she started it.
If you want to know if a women is flirting with you, there are a lot of better indicators than the “playing with her hair” thing.
Question: Mr. L. Rx, how do you convert a friendship into a lover?
Answer: The biggest mistake I see guys make who end up just being friends is to not “test the waters” romantically. Some guys are just friends with a girl and never make it known that they are interested in her romantically. They never flirt or do anything romantic. So they create a friendship and nothing else.
If you want a romantic relationship you have to let a girl know that is your intention even if you are “just friends.” Depending on how well you create the romantic part she might change her mind even if she originally just wanted to be friends.
The other mistake that I see a lot of guys make is to not recognize that the girl is absolutely not interested in them romantically. These are the guys that do make it known that they are interested in a romantic relationship but still get relegated to “just friends.”
Needless to say, these guys are usually making all kinds of “dating” mistakes. They would stand a better chance if they backed off romance and concentrated more on just being friends.
Question: My best friend always interferes with me when I am approaching women. He will come over and start monopolizing the conversation to the point I can’t get a word in edgewise. What do I do?
Answer: Get a new best friend is the obvious answer. One that helps you meet women rather than hinder you. Short of that, turn the situation to your advantage. I had a friend who did the same thing to me. I would just point out hot girls to him and say “let’s go talk to her.”
He would do all the talking and I would just listen quietly, after about five minutes he would establish himself as a jerk to the girls and they would start talking to me to escape him. Worked every time and I never complained. The wrong thing to do is to compete with these kinds of guys. Either get new friends or learn to use their motion to your advantage.
DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 11/23/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column.(Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: How do I ask a girl who I am seeing to be my girlfriend?
Answer: My experience has been that if you have to ask, something is wrong. Most of the time, relationships evolve naturally. You start dating someone, you like them, so you see them more and more. You lose interest in seeing other people. My “girlfriend” conversation is usually simple. After a month or two, I usually find myself saying “Are you dating anyone else, because I am not.” They invariably say “No, I stopped seeing other people. I am just dating you.”
But if you have to ask, do it like women do. Don’t be confrontational – “Do you want to be my girlfriend?” Say something like “So we have been going out every week for 4 weeks now, does that mean I am your boyfriend?”
At least that will open the subject and you will find out where you stand.
Question: Do you think it’s a good idea to have a couple of regular stories lined up for the first few minutes of a conversation with a woman when you try to approach and meet her?
Answer: Well, I think it is much better to have a couple of questions lined up for women when you first meet them. Guys who go on-and-on talking about themselves tend to bore girls. Show that you are interested in her by asking questions.
But don’t work a list for too long. Listen to what the person says. Ask more questions based on what they just said. That shows that you are listening and are interested.
It does help to have questions lined up for different situations, however. The kind of questions you might ask a women at a social gathering, and the kind of questions that you might ask passing her on the street may be entirely different. You may want to work those out ahead of time and have them ready to go for different situations.
Question: I called this girl that I met and asked her out. When she asked me when I want to meet, I told her “Today, tomorrow, or any other time you want to meet.” Was that the right way to respond?
Answer: No, That sort of makes you look like a desperate loser. It would be better to show her you have some sort of life and that you are not available anytime. A simple response like “I am busy Saturday and Sunday night, but I am open Friday, sounds like you have a life. If she says “Too bad, Friday is the only night I can’t, then set something up for the next week.
If you really can’t wait to see her you could always call her back the next day and say “My Saturday night gig was postponed so if you would rather move our date up to Saturday, I can do that now.”
DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 11/16/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column.(Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: How do you keep your romance going after you have been with someone for several years. Isn’t it natural for things to get boring?
Answer: Well, it may be common but it is not natural. It is common because most couples fail to continually create their relationship. Both men and women are guilty of making a “romantic” effort to get someone and then stopping that effort after they “get that person.”
Romance is something that you have to continually create in order to continually experience it. What is romance? Well it is listening to your partner and showing them you care by doing those little things that please them.
For some women, it may be opening car doors, and giving them your coat when it is cold. For others, it might be a box of chocolates and flowers. For yet others, it just might be listening to them talk about their day. In other words what people consider romantic will vary from person to person.
In general, however, romance is something that must be done outside of the bedroom as well as in it….you know, shopping with your girl in the mall, holding hands as you walk, having a sexy conversation and flirtation at lunch. Little kisses and touches throughout the day.
Anything that lets your girl know you are thinking of her is romantic. So bringing home her favorite pastry, or picking up something for her at the store that you saw and knew she would want, would be romantic.
A surprise vacation, or a weekend trip can also be very romantic, but big romantic efforts, though well appreciated, don’t do as much good in creating romance as the little daily romantic efforts that show you are continually thinking of her and care.
One of the better ways to create romance is to continue doing whatever you did to get the girl in the first place and to figure out new and better ways to do those things.
If you have a relationship, then obviously you did something right and you were successful in “romancing” her to begin with. But all too often people expend much energy and effort to do all sorts of romantic things to get someone to be their girlfriend or to marry them. Then after they get married or move in together, they feel like they don’t have to make the effort anymore because they “got” the girl.
Wrong way to think. If you want to keep the girl and keep you relationship fresh and romantic, you have to continue doing whatever you did to get her in the first place. You have to keep doing it over and over again, you have to think of new and better ways of doing it, and you have to do this forever. (Or at least as long as you want to have a relationship with her!)
If you do this you will find that romance can last a lifetime and never get boring.
DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 11/9/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column.(Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, how do you get a girl to give you her phone number when you are walking down the street, or see someone you like in a mall?
Answer: Well, there are many ways to get a girl’s phone number, but this situation is probably the hardest of them all. Spotting some random girl walking down the street and trying to get her phone number when you don’t even know her and only have about a minute to stop her and try to get it, is not easy.
The majority of guys see a girl they are attracted to and 90% of the time they will make an instant decision that they would like that girl for a girlfriend and would like to have sex with her. Guys are very visually oriented.
Girls on the other hand, even if they see a guy who is very attractive, won’t immediately desire to have sex with that guy or be in a relationship with him. Girls are more inclined to want to check out the guys personality first and know something about him before committing to “acting on their interest.”
Now this is what the majority of each sex does. There are exceptions. But for simplicity’s sake let’s continue.
Most women will rule out or disqualify a guy whose only interest in them is sexual. When a guy walks up to a girl and expresses his desire to have a relationship with her based only on her looks, that is an immediate disqualifier for most girls. Even if she gives you her phone number, she probably won’t answer the phone or return your calls.
On the other hand, most girls like it when they know a guy is “checking them out” not only for their looks, but for their personality and mutual interest. Women will be likely to give their phone number to a guy who is checking them out.
So if you want to stop a women on the street, or in the mall, or in the store, and have a brief conversation with her that ends in getting her phone number, the first thing you have to realize is that the conversation shouldn’t be about how “hot” she is or how “good” she looks.
Instead, become adept at quickly spotting something about her that creates a conversation about mutual interests, or personality characteristics. For example, stopping a women on the street and commenting about what nice taste she has in clothes, and asking her for some quick advice on where to buy clothes like she has, could lead to getting her phone number. Your excuse could be that you are on your way to work, as she is, and you would like to ask her some more questions, but simply don’t have the time right now.
Stopping someone getting out of their car, and asking them questions about their new Toyota could lead to getting their phone number so you can ask them a few more questions as you are looking to buy the same model.
When you have these kind of quick conversations, girls might know you are also interested in them, but they won’t really care. They will like the fact that you are not focusing on sex and will feel safer talking to you. They will answer your calls and they will return your calls when you leave a message.
The hard part is coming up with a quick topic to talk about that is relevant to the girl you are stopping. That just takes practice. The more you do it, the better you will get at it.
DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 1/12/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column.(Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, some of the men’s gurus advocate telling lies to women to pick them up. How do you feel about that?
Answer: Well that is actually a tough question. I advocate telling the truth to women as a general rule, however there are no absolutes. It is actually “harmful lies” and “harmful truths” that should be avoided.
What is a harmful lie or a harmful truth varies with personality type. Telling one woman that she is “fat and ugly” might inspire her to do something about her looks and help her improve herself. Telling another woman the same words might depress her and make her want to “never go out again.” So in one case the truth helps and in another it harms.
So, as always, exact actions are situational and appropriate to a set of circumstances. Knowing when to say what may be an act of diplomacy. However if you are not a diplomat and you just need a rule of thumb to follow then, in general, I always advocate telling women the truth. This is especially true when meeting women for the first time.
I know a lot of guys who try to impress women by lying not about major things (Like “I own a Bentley and live in Beverly Hills” ) but about their likes and desires. Things they think won’t harm anyone if they lie about it. Things that just help them “get the girl”.
So, for example, a guy doesn’t like being a gentleman. He doesn’t like opening car doors, and holding hands, and buying flowers. But he pretends like he likes it and does it anyway because he feels he has to do this to get the girl. He doesn’t perceive this as a harmful lie, when in fact it is harmful to both himself and the girl he is dating.
Why is it harmful? It is harmful because he is misrepresenting himself and ultimately that will come back to haunt him.
What typically happens is the guy will be a gentleman until he “gets” the girl. So when he is confident she is his girlfriend, or she moves in with him, or in some cases it might be when she marries him, he then stops doing these things he doesn’t like as he now “has” the girl.
Now the girl became the “girlfriend” or moved in with him, or married him because she thought he was a gentleman and liked that about him. But because he lied about who he really was it all starts to unravel when he “gets” the girl and stops acting like a gentleman. It ends in a breakup or divorce. Thus the lie was ultimately harmful to the relationship itself.
It is much better to tell a woman the truth and, in this case, find a woman who doesn’t need or want you to be a gentleman. This way you can continue to be who you are after you get the girl and your marriage won’t fall apart because of a lie.
So if you don’t quite have the ability to be situational and want a guiding principle then this is it. Always tell the truth.
DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 10/26/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column.(Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Why do women like to play games with guys? Why can’t they just be like men and be honest about their feelings?
Answer: Well, women are no more into games than men. In fact, it is a personality “type” that is into games not something characteristic of either men or women.
There are many personality types among both men and women. Some types are very direct and truthful in their communications. From my experience, this is a minority of people.
There is another personality type that is responsive to direct honest communication, but is also responsive to playing games. These people can go either way depending on how you approach them.
So be careful in your approach. A lot of men consider that women are “playing games” because when a guy walks up to them and says he is attracted to the woman, she doesn’t respond with an equal statement even if she is attracted to the guy. Instead she coyly “tests” the guy.
Now you might consider that you are being straight forward and not playing games with the woman when you approach her and tell her you are attracted to her, but this woman might think otherwise. It is a matter of viewpoint. From your viewpoint you are not playing any games and she is.
But, let’s look at it from her viewpoint. From her viewpoint, any guy that approaches her purely on her looks and says he “likes” her or is “very attracted” to her, without knowing anything about her personality is into the “sex” game.
From her viewpoint, relationships have a lot more to them than just “sex.” So when a guy approaches her like that, she doesn’t see that as a straight forward, honest guy. She sees it as a guy who is playing the “sex” game. This same girl if approached differently may not respond with a game but be capable of responding with straight forward communication.
If you approached this same girl and said you were attracted to her looks, but that you would like to talk to her for a while to see if her personality was as attractive to you as her looks. She might respond with some good honest communication because now she sees you as a straight forward guy. A guy who is honest enough to say “Hey, you are cute, but I don’t know anything else about you. I want to make sure you are not some insane woman before I could ever possibly hook up with you.”
Then of course there are personality types that are into games, and there is nothing you could say or do to get them out of “games.” You just have to learn how to beat them at their own games.
The main thing to realize, however, is that it is personality that determines whether a person plays “games”- not their gender. Learn and observe personality types and you will find your self more causative in human relations of all kinds.
DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 10/19/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column.(Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: My ex-girlfriend is routinely cheating on her new boyfriend with me. How do I work this to get her back? Answer: Well, my answer to you is why would you want her back? If she cheats with you, she will cheat on you. You should drop her like a hot potato.
I am constantly amazed that there are people gullible enough to think that someone who cheats on someone else with you, would never cheat on you. Cheaters cheat! That is what they do. And if you are going to get involved with a cheater, do yourself a favor and don’t take anything they say seriously. Use them for whatever it is you want, then get the heck out of there.
A decent girl, if she did cheat with you on her new boyfriend, would immediately break up with him and go back to you. Or break it off with you again and go back to him and never do it again. Sometimes passions lead to indiscretions, but the fact that she is doing it continually speaks to a personality flaw – not an indiscretion.
Now you might be jealous and want her back, but you need to just stop and look at what you are doing. Do you really want her back, or are you just hurt and trying to get her back to feel better? Do you even like her? Did you ever like her?
I had a friend who had a mutual break up with a girl and then she got a new boyfriend real quick and he didn’t get a new girlfriend. Well even though he was okay with breaking up, he now got real jealous and wanted her back.
He would go out as “friends” and get her drunk and she would cheat on her new boyfriend with him. He did this routinely and started convincing himself that he loved her and wanted her back. (Prior to the break up he only talked about what a problem she was and how he never wanted to marry her.)
This went on for a year or two and he was obsessed with her and didn’t go out with anyone else. Finally she started cheating on the new boyfriend and him with another guy. After this he began to see her personality flaw again and eventually backed out of the whole thing a lot wiser and smarter.
He wasn’t a bad guy and didn’t cheat on her while she was cheating on the new boyfriend but all in all it was a mess.
Unless you are a player and know how to deal with such women, stay away from anyone who wants to cheat on someone else with you. It is not a good omen – just trouble.
Want to flirt and meet people for dating on Facebook, but don’t know how?
Well anyone who has been following my writings knows that all strategies to meet people are situational, and that people have different personalities and respond differently to different approaches. And that most strategies require “gradients” or steps. But here are some basics on how to flirt on Facebook that apply to most situations. (For more detailed situational and personality approaches see “Dating To Relating – From A To Z)
On Facebook, your flirting strategy will depend on whether you are approaching a complete stranger, a friend of a friend, or someone you know in real life.
Let’s take the case of approaching someone you know in real life first as that is the easiest to flirt with. That breaks down into two sub groups, people who are already your friend on Facebook, and people who you know who are not your Friend on Facebook yet.
If they are already your friend on Facebook, this is the simplest task. The first gradient of flirting (use when you are totally unsure of your standing with this person) is to comment on some of their posts and pictures. Don’t comment on every one. You don’t want to be a Facebook stalker! And keep your comments short and appropriate. Also, don’t always be the first one to comment. You don’t want to seem TOO eager.
If the other person is interested in you they will reply to your comments. It doesn’t really matter what you say as long as it is appropriate. This is a basic dating principal. If a person is interested in you they will keep the conversation going.
Remember that less can be more. Watch the wordiness of your posts. If someone uses 5 words to comment, don’t post a dissertation in response. Match their style. Don’t update your profile every 5 minutes. And don’t keep commenting when a person is not responding. Wait for a response. Some people don’t check Facebook everyday. They will answer you when they do log in, but if they have 5 comments from you they may not. That might just freak them out.
So if the person ignores your comments, know there isn’t much interest. That is why you want to keep your comments neutral and appropriate. It may be embarrassing if you get rejected on Facebook for everyone to see. Neutral comments like “that looks cool” won’t be too embarrassing if ignored, but know if the person has any real interest in you, even a simple comment like that will get a response.
If a person totally ignores you then it is best to back off. Try some of the lower gradients that I will discuss in a moment to flirt with “friends of friends” and “strangers”.
If you are successful and the person always seems to respond to your comments, step it up a notch, do some pokes, use some apps which allow you to send virtual “gifts”, “drinks”, “flowers” and the like. Chat when he/she comes on line. A simple “hello” will do. See if he/she keeps the chat going. If the person is responding back then it is time to move it up a gradient and take the “flirt” off of Facebook.
If you are confident in the way things are going, send them a message (don’t write on their wall) asking them to go on a date, out to a movie, dinner and dancing. Use their profile to discover their likes and come up with something they would like. You can also just call them if you have their number and do the same. If you don’t you can suggest “let’s talk on the phone” as a gradient before asking them out. Some people just like to flirt as long as it doesn’t get serious. Asking for a phone call is a way to sort the “window shoppers” from the real deal.
Another gradient before asking for a date is to take it off of Facebook in a non-date setting. Organize a party or event for your friends and invite the person you are interested in. If they show up or even apologize (if they have something already planned) and say “next time” then that is a good response. When you meet use the live setting to get to know the person and step up your flirting or “asking out” for a real date accordingly. (Perhaps you ought to get a copy of “Dating To Relating – From A To Z” for the live interaction.)
Now the next scenario is how to flirt with the person who is NOT already a friend on Facebook. The first step here is asking them to be friends. Before you do that, make sure your profile is representing you the way you want it to.
A high degree of flirt is to make it known on your profile that you are “single and looking”. When the person checks out your profile they will know what you are up to. This will blow away people who are in a relationship or not interested for other reasons instantly. This is both good and bad. Bad because you will lose some people you may have been able to get with a lower gradient approach and good because if someone responds to your “comments” favorably you know they are interested.
Now you might want to set up a more moderate profile. You can state you are single, but don’t mention that you are looking to date. Instead say you are looking for friends, networking, and state what your passions are. In either case, make sure you put down on your profile your interests, likes, music, books, etc. so a person with similar interests can connect with you. You may want to check out the profile of the person you are interested in first.
Make sure your profile connects with their interests. (Make it real though. It is never a good idea to fake personality traits as this will just back fire on you later in the relationship when they find out you don’t really like those things.)
This kind of profile will make it clear that you are not trying to flirt with every person of the opposite sex that you meet.
So when you have your profile set up it is time to ask the person to be friends. Depending on how well you know them make sure you mention how you met or know each other in the message, and give them a non flirting reason to be your friend. For example, “We had a great talk about paranormal phenomenon at that party last weekend. “Friend” me here and I will show you some great Facebook pages and groups on the topic.”
If you have read any of my books and know about “creating future”, this is the thing you want to establish in this message. Give the person a reason to share things with you in the “future” on Facebook. Building up common interest is a good prelude to the flirting to follow.
After the person friends you, deliver on your promise and share from time to time. Don’t’ share everything at once. You will run out of “future” flirt too quick that way. Share common interests every few days or so, as you find new things. Otherwise begin to work this person as we did above in the section about people who are already your friends on Facebook.
The next case is How To Flirt with a friend of a friend on Facebook.
There are a number of ways you can approach this.
1) You can tell your friend what you are up to and ask them to suggest you as a friend or even send them a link to your profile saying “Check out this guy/gal. He/she is single too and I think you guys have a lot in common. You should “friend” him. (Make sure your profile is cool before you do this.)
2) You can send a friend request with a message saying “You came up under my suggestions and we have 15 mutual friends in common. Have we met before?” Or “I am a friends of George’s. I am surprised we haven’t met. I notice we have a lot of common interests. Let’s be friends.”
3) A lower gradient is to start a discourse by messaging them to see if they even respond. Don’t ask to be friends yet. Just try to establish some “future” here. Give them a reason to want to share things with you in the “future” on Facebook. For example, “I see you are a friend of George’s and that you go to LAMC. I go to LAMC too. What classes do you take? I am looking to form some study groups here on Facebook.”
Now if they don’t respond, then let it go. But if they friend you treat them like you did the friend above, who you knew in real life but was not a friend on Facebook yet.
Finally, how can we use Facebook to meet strangers and flirt with them?
Well it is against Facebook Terms of Service to spam people so you don’t want to do that as that might just lose you your account.
The first thing is to set up your profile the right way. In addition to the things we mentioned above, make sure you have lots of pictures and friends. If you don’t you may be perceived to be a weirdo or a spammer, because the false profiles usually have just one picture and no friends.
The way to meet complete strangers on Facebook is through joining groups, and creating groups and “pages”. By doing these things you will meet new people with similar interests as a starting point. (Note: you can’t see who “likes” a page unless you are the admin who started it.)
Meeting strangers is done on a very low gradient. Meet and “friend”both men and women with similar interests. Maybe you will luck out in one of your groups and meet someone you really like and can begin to flirt with him/her. But don’t worry about that. Look at their friends. Especially try to meet and “friend” the men and women who know a lot of cute men/women. Befriend them. You don’t have to flirt with these people. Just develop a relationship with them.
Once you have done this and developed “friends” and “friends of friends” through groups and pages, flirt with them just as you would in these two categories above. And that’s how you flirt on Facebook.
DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 2/16/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column.(Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: How do you overcome fears that pop up sometimes even when things are going good?
Answer: That is a good question. There are entire books that have been written on that subject. It is not an easy question to answer as it varies from person to person. However, one of the best techniques I have used to overcome my fears usually involves lowering the gradient.
What are gradients? Gradients are like steps on a ladder. If you try to go to the top of the ladder on your first step, it will be impossible and you will fail. If you keep trying it over and over you will start building up a “complex” about failing, and soon not try anymore.
If you try to jump up five or six steps on your first try, it will also be scary – not necessarily impossible but scary. Probability is that if you have no experiences jumping that high you will fail too.
The right approach is to take the first step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most comfortable way to climb a ladder.
Here are some examples of how I apply that to overcome fears that pop up in meeting or dating women:
When I am approaching a beautiful woman in a social setting, rather than telling her how beautiful she is and how much I am attracted to her (which exposes my fear of being shot down in front of a lot of people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and simply say “Hi.” If a girl likes you or is interested in you she will find a way to continue the conversation. If she doesn’t then I know she is not interested in me and the simple “Hi” just appears that I am friendly – not necessarily even flirting – so I don’t feel shot down in front of other people.
If I am starting to date a girl and I feel fearful taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I don’t ask her “Do you want to get intimate?” I take a lower gradient and ask her if she wants to relax, get cozy, and just watch TV at my house. If she doesn’t want to get intimate she certainly won’t want to be alone with me, getting cozy at my house. Or rather than trying to suddenly “kiss her”, I will simply hold her hand or give her light touches every now and again to see how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will start touching me back to give me the go ahead signal.
Sometimes when I am fearful of confronting a woman about making a move, I even use “multiple choice” as a test of gradients. When planning a date and fearful to directly ask if she wants to come over to my house, I might say “Do you want to (a) go to a movie, (b) go out to dinner, (c) meet up with our friends at the party or (d) stay home and watch TV and cuddle.
That way I don’t feel rejected if she doesn’t choose (d) as I didn’t directly suggest that we had to do that. But if she does select (d) I know she is ready to take it to the next level.
When you feel uncomfortable and fearful just try to think of a lower gradient that isn’t as scary and allows you to make forward progress toward your goal.
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