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How To Approach Women

DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 12/20/10Meet Women

Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx

Released by AssociatedNews.US

Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)

Question: I’m good looking and not lacking in any area. For some reason I’ve just always had a very hard time confronting girls… if I’m lucky enough to get the chance to talk to a very attractive girl I usually chicken out and regret it later.

Answer: Well, I understand your question very well. As a young man, I was in exactly the same position. There is no “magic pill” that will change things overnight. There are a lot of things that you may have to do to change your situation.

I have sent you a complimentary copy of “Dating To Relating – From A to Z” as this is the most complete education that you can get to address your problem.

In the meantime there are two things that you and guys like you can do to raise your confront.

Whenever you feel uncomfortable in any situation, it means that you are approaching this situation on too high a gradient. Rather than run away from the situation. Lower the gradient.

What are gradients? Gradients are like steps on a ladder. If you try to go to the top of the ladder on your first step, it will be impossible and you will fail. If you keep trying it over and over you will start building up a “complex” about failing, and soon not try anymore.

If you try to jump up five or six steps on your first try, it will also be scary – not necessarily impossible but scary. Probability is that if you have no experiences jumping that high you will fail too.

The right approach is to take the first step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most comfortable way to climb a ladder.

When I was a young man I would see a woman I was attracted to and thought I had to tell her how much I liked her straight away. Well that was jumping up too many steps on the ladder. I didn’t even know her.

The first step is a simple “Hi” and a smile. Then keep walking. Get comfortable just saying “Hi” to girls. Then as the next step when they say “Hi” back or ask you a question, answer the question, or make a comment about something that she has her attention on to continue the conversation. For example, if you are in a bookstore and she is looking at a book on cooking, ask her what she thinks of that book. Is it any good?

Conversations develop naturally. Do not push it. Get to know her before you decide that you like her.

Of course, there is a whole lot more to it, but these are good basics to start with.

Mr. L. Rx

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By admin – August 12, 2011

Online Dating Scams

DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 12/13/10Meet Women

Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx

Released by AssociatedNews.US

Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)

Question: Mr. L. Rx, I am having a terrible time meeting women on online dating sites. I am forty years old and it seems that most of the good looking women are liars or scam artist. Is there any way to tell up front if a profile is a scam?

Answer: Unfortunately, there are a lot of liars and scam artists who try to take advantage of both men and women on legitimate dating sites. There are, however, ways to spot the scams before you get taken.

Let’s just start with the liars. Now this is a generalization, but women over thirty five start to lie about their age.  One of the ways they do that is by posting pictures that may be five or even ten years old.

So if you see a woman who says she is forty but looks like she is twenty-eight, be a little suspicious. What I have found is that most women put up more than one picture on a site and the lead profile picture may be as much as ten years old. But somewhere in the stack of four or five pictures she has on her profile will be one that is current. That way she can’t be accused of being a liar.

So make sure you look at all the pictures if you are interested in a woman. If they only post one picture and it is a little suspicious looking, then ask them for some more pictures when you write to them. (By the way, I have even had nineteen and twenty year olds lie similarly by putting up a pictures of themselves when they were eighteen years old and twenty or thirty pounds lighter.)

Now scam artists are numerous on even the best dating sites.  They usually devise some sort of scheme that eventually (not right away) will ask you to send them two or three hundred dollars for something or other.  Most of them figure it is easier to get a couple of hundred dollars out of a lot of guys then going for tens of thousands of dollars out of one guy, but there are those cases too.

The profiles and emails you get from these people will usually have a number of things about them that don’t quite add up. Here are some:

Emails from these people are usually templates that are long, tell you how much they like you right away, are not formatted very well (as they use automated software to send the emails to thousands of guys), and don’t use your name.  Their responses tend to be non-sequitor. So one of the ways you can catch them is by emailing them something that would require a certain response if someone were to actually read the email.

Ask them their name or what city they live in, and if they ignore your question and go into a long laudatory email be very suspicious. Sometimes they will even pay attention to the first email or two and then start to send you the form letters on the third or subsequent email. So just be on the look out for responses that don’t match up with what you said or asked no matter when it occurs.

Scam profiles can be spotted too as they usually have a very pretty woman who says she is from Colorado or New York or somewhere in the US and that she travels on business. If she mentions West Africa or Africa be very suspicious as a lot of the scams originate in Nigeria over there. Usually these girls will write you an email saying that they are traveling right now and are looking forward to meeting you in about a week when they get back in the US.

Of course right before they are supposed to come back some disaster happens (Their hotel gets robbed – they lose their passport) and they need your help (wire them two or three hundred dollars for a ticket, etc.) so they can get back to the states.

Watch out for so called “Americans” who use British terms – “mum” rather than “mother” is a frequent one.

There are also a lot of Russian scams which result in the girl needing you to wire them a few hundred dollars as the ticket price went up at the last minute for the trip they were paying for to come meet you on a vacation in the US.

There are a million variations on these scams. Just be wary of anyone asking you for money who is “out of the country.”

Mr. L. Rx

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By admin – August 12, 2011

Three Rules For Writing Online Dating Emails

DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 12/6/10Meet Women

Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx

Released by AssociatedNews.US

Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)

Question: Mr. L. Rx, how do you write a good email to a girl on an online dating site? I don’t get many girls emailing me and when I email them I get very little responses – maybe one response out of twenty emails.

Answer: Writing emails is not as complicated as some guys make it seem. Basically, writing emails to meet women follows basic advertising principles. The basic principle I have always followed is the less you write the greater the response. Now the converse of that is the more you write, the more qualified the response.

So when I want to increase my responses I write something short and sweet like “I like your profile. Email me back if you want to talk.” If the girl has any attraction to my profile she will write me back.

Now what you shouldn’t do is write these long, long, emails telling her your life story and what you are looking for. Chances are you will say something that will disqualify you in her mind and she won’t write back.

I only add on to my basic line if I see something in a girl’s profile that makes me want to qualify her. Say I like creative women only. And I don’t want to waste my time meeting women who aren’t creative. My basic might become, “I like your profile. I am looking for a creative type of girl and I thought you might be one.  Email me back if you want to talk.”

So rule number one is don’t write long emails if you want to get more responses. Add information only in the areas you want to qualify for.

Rule number two is don’t waste time going back and forth in an email conversation. Email is very deceptive. People don’t reveal who they really are. A lot of girls are just playing around and amusing themselves via the internet. When you talk to someone live, you can hear their voice or see the expression on their face. Both of these give you an idea about a person’s personality and intentions. Email doesn’t. Email can perpetuate lots of lies – like ten year old pictures.

So go for the phone conversation right away. If someone is really serious about meeting you (as opposed to entertaining themselves by playing with you via email) they will prefer a phone conversation too.

So my second email is usually again very short.  “Thanks for responding to my email. Can we talk on the phone? I am really not very big on email correspondence.”

Now again I modify this only as needed. If a girl asks me a bunch of questions, I might modify it like this: “Can I answer your questions on the phone. I am a terrible typist and I hate taking two hours to answer questions I can answer verbally in about 5 minutes.

The third rule is I usually don’t give out my phone number. Girls who say “Sure, what’s your phone number?”  usually don’t call me back – maybe one out of ten or twenty. When a girl gives me her phone number (which is about 50% to 75% of the women I ask) I then usually end up talking to about 80% of these women.

So this is a key point. When a girl asks for my number, I will say something like “Sorry, I don’t feel comfortable giving out my phone number like this. Too many bad experiences. But if you give me yours I will call you promptly.”

Now this last rule, I do break on a situational basis. If I think a girl is just being conservative and not playing with me, I will say “Sure, my number is XXX-XXXX what’s yours?”  If she gives me hers, then it is usually someone who will call me. If I don’t get a response, then it is usually just a girl playing around trying to see how many guys she can get chasing her on the internet.

Mr. L. Rx

Posted in Newspaper Column, Understanding Women.

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By admin – August 12, 2011

How to Overcome Approach Stress

DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMNMeet Women

Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx

Released by AssociatedNews.US

Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)

Question: Mr. L. Rx, I am totally stressed out when trying to approach women. I get nervous and usually talk myself out of even approaching a woman. What can I do to get over this stressful feeling?
Answer: The thing that has worked best for myself and other guys I have talked to is to use gradient targets, and plan your interactions.

In other words, don’t go out trying to meet and approach women. Take it at a much lower pace. Fore example, try going to a mall and set as your first target to randomly ask fifty women for the time.

You could even break this down further. Approach fifty older, motherly looking women and ask them for the time. Then approach fifty average looking women and ask them for the time. Then approach fifty hot looking women and ask them for the time.

Keep doing an exercise like this that is not very threatening until you are completely comfortable walking up to women and asking them something.

Next, approach women again and ask them for the time then make a comment about her watch or cell phone or whatever she uses to tell time. Sort of like, “Excuse me do you have the time? … Oh cool looking cell. What service do you have?”

Get the idea?

Get comfortable with these lower gradients where you are not approaching anyone sexually and they can’t reject you for your looks, etc.

Next move it up to more of a conversation. But keep it non-sexual. Go to a mall or a coffee shop and look for some attribute you could talk about. For example, if you are a computer geek, look for someone with an iPad and walk up to them and say, “Excuse me I noticed you are using an iPad. I was thinking of getting one. How do you like it?”

Do this for a while with fifty women or so, then try to keep the conversation going with the next fifty women. When they say they like it or don’t like it. Ask them why? Tell them you hear it doesn’t have any USB ports. “Is that True?” Use your knowledge of computers to keep a conversation going.

If you feel uncomfortable, end it and leave.  Notice if the person is getting into the conversation or not. If they seem like they want to talk about it, (they are friendly and give you more than yes and no answers) then keep the conversation going. If they are not friendly and give you yes and no answers, then don’t overstay your welcome. Ask a few questions then leave.

Find a topic and excuse to talk to people that is real to you. If you have sisters that you have to buy presents for at Christmas, walk up to women who are dressed sharp, or who have nice purses, or cool shoes and say something like, “Excuse me but I couldn’t help but notice your cool shoes. I am trying to find a present for my sister for Christmas. Would you mind telling me where you got your shoes?”

Now if you do this sort of thing, you will discover every once in a while you find yourself in a natural conversation without any effort. People will ask you questions too, or lead you into a conversation by saying things like, “How old is your sister?” Or, “Oh how nice, I wish my brother would be as considerate” and the conversation will just sort of flow.

In any case, never force it. Just practice, practice, practice approaching on this low gradient until you feel totally comfortable.  Then look for those natural conversations to develop. When you get comfortable with natural conversations then the next and final step will be to flirt a little. “Wow, what pretty eyes you have!” or some such low key comment will do for starters.

Mr. L. Rx

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By admin – August 12, 2011

Dating – Should You Pay For A Woman’s Dinner?

DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 11/22/10Meet Women

Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx

Released by AssociatedNews.US

Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)

Question: Mr. L. Rx, I have heard various dating gurus recommend different things when it comes to paying for a woman’s dinner on a date. What is your opinion?
Answer: Well, there really is no right answer to that question. “Paying for dinner” depends on the personalities involved and the situational variables involved. In other words there is no general guiding principle here.

First thing I would say is that it depends on who you are and your own self image.

If you are the gentleman type and consider yourself a gentleman, then you would probably want to pay as that is pretty much who you are, how you see yourself, and how you would want women to see you.

I have always been pretty much a gentleman, and I do it so matter-of-factly and naturally that it has not ever been a problem for me, and no woman has ever thought I was trying to impress her.

Now “acting” like a gentleman when you are not a gentleman and don’t believe in “chivalry”, etc. will probably cause you problems. You won’t like what you are doing and you’ll probably feel taken advantage of by women, etc.

Now the fact that you don‘t like it and are doing it anyway because you feel you have to will probably come across to the women you are with as some sort of negative “vibe” or as if you are trying to impress them.

Now conversely if you are the anti-gentleman and you refuse to pay at all, then you will probably come across as cheap. But if you are cheap, then you will probably feel good about yourself for not having to pay.

So it really boils down to your own personality. And as far as that goes, just be yourself. If you are a gentleman, then pay. If you are the kind of guy who would pay if you had money but you are broke, then tell the girl up front that that is who you are and go Dutch until you strike it rich.

If you are the cheap guy then go Dutch or get her to pay for you and you will be happy.

Now there are women who have different types of personalities and attitudes too. Some women will expect a man to pay, some women won’t care and will be glad to go Dutch and other women would even be happy to pay for you. And of course not all women have integrity so some will pay or go Dutch even though they don’t want to.

So observe the woman you are interacting with. Does she suggest going Dutch, or does she say “ok” unenthusiastically when you bring it up? If you are unsure and want to probe, ask her about her last boyfriend. “What did he do for a living?” If he had a good job or a job way better than hers, then realize he probably paid. If he was poor then she may be use to going Dutch.

But if she complains about how poor or cheap he was, then that might give you an idea of what to expect.

Situational variables also can come into play. If you meet a woman on a blind date and you don’t like her and you don’t have a lot of money, you might ask her to go Dutch. But  if you like her you might suddenly feel more gentlemanly.

The bottom line on this topic is that it is not a very important one in a general sense. It is not something you must or must not do. Just be yourself and modify that by observing the woman you are with and what she expects.  Some women want a lot more from men than others, but then again some women are worth it.

I have dated women that I would drive two hours every date to be with and enjoy every minute of it. Then there are other women that if they didn’t come over to my house, well it wasn’t worth a fifteen minute drive to see them.  That is just how I felt about it.

Mr. L. Rx

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By admin – August 12, 2011

How to Handle Manipulative Women

DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 11/15/10Meet Women

Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx

Released by AssociatedNews.US

Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)

Question: Mr. L. Rx, how do you handle women who are just trying to use you? I have been going out with this beautiful girl who makes me take her out to all these expensive restaurants, but it has been four dates now and I haven’t even gotten a kiss. I am beginning to feel used.

Answer: First of all, no one can “make” you do anything. If you are taking her out to expensive restaurants it is because you want to. You are not upset because you are taking her out to expensive restaurants, you are upset because you are expecting something in return and you are not getting it.

You think this girl is beautiful and you have probably made a half dozen mistakes. Your first mistake was you probably let her know that you were enraptured by her right away, either verbally or non-verbally by the smile on your face or the look in your eyes.

Unfortunately, it is human nature to take advantage of people when we can. Both men and women do it. Did you ever know a girl that was really attracted to you and offered to do all kinds of nice things for you. Even if you were not attracted to her, what did you do?

Did you blow her away or did you see an opportunity and take advantage of it? Good food? Clean apartment? No matter how good intentioned we are, we all seem to like admiration and having nice things done for us. It is an ego boost.

So your first mistake was to let this girl know how crazy you were about her before you got to know her a little better. Some people are way more manipulative and “taking” than others. It is one thing to let someone know you are slightly attracted to him/her, it is another to let that person know you are “goo-goo, gaa-gaa” over him/her.

Get to know a person before you play your hand. Don’t just judge a woman on her looks. Some of the best looking people in the world can also be some of the cruelest and most manipulative people in the world. Make it known that you judge people on their personality and behavior not just their looks.

Show that you are attracted to her but show equally that you are not stupid and would not get with someone just because she is pretty.  Now this was your biggest mistake, but I am sure you made plenty others. You probably talked too much about yourself trying to impress her. You probably focused too much on sexual topics and innuendo. I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t listen to what she had to say enough and didn’t create any “non-date” or non-sexual future with her.

When it comes to manipulation, I find there are basically two kinds of women. One kind is just sort of evil and manipulative and want to use men in general. The other isn’t inclined to manipulate, but will when they tell a guy that they are not interested and the guy persists any way.

Manipulative women are easy. I use their manipulative nature against them. By showing vague interest but not showing that I am crazy about her looks, and by giving little clues as to what I like, I can control and direct her manipulative attempts. They will do all kinds of nice things for me in an attempt to “hook” me, so to speak, so they can subsequently manipulate me. The problem for them is I never get “hooked” and they end up doing nice things for me as long as I want. Their manipulative nature backfires on them.

The second kind of women is not really manipulative by nature. They just get tired of telling guys that they are not interested only to have the guy not get it. So to drive home the message, these women will typically “make you pay” until you get the message. So they will ask you to take them to expensive dinners, shows, etc. and they won’t give you that kiss or even any satisfaction until you get so fed up that you don’t want to see them any more.

This may be what is going on in your case.

If you treated these kind of women right in the first place, you won’t find yourself in this scenario. If you want to know how to treat them right, then get a copy of “Dating To Relating From A To Z.”

Mr. L. Rx

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By admin – August 12, 2011

How To Approach Women In Public Places

DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 11/08/10Meet Women

Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx

Released by AssociatedNews.US

Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)

Question: Mr. L. Rx, How do you approach attractive women in public places, like the mall or a store or even on the street, without seeming like a sleazy type of guy? I approach women all the time and I usually get a phone number, problem is I don’t get many actual return calls or dates after that.

Answer: Well, I have heard this question many times. There are several ways to approach this situation.

First of all, let’s look at the sleazy approach from the average attractive woman’s point of view. When a guy approaches her, and he is a smooth confident talker, and he compliments her about her looks, she may indeed cough up a phone number. But she will also go home, rethink the situation and come to the conclusion that this guy was only interested in her for her looks. After all that is what he noticed and complimented.

Now a lot of the guru’s have boot camps where they teach you how to do this kind of approach. Make no mistake about it, it works. But so does anything that simply gets you to approach and talk to women. They all work but a small percentage of times. That is why you are not getting a lot of call backs and dates.

I have found if you want to approach a woman solely on her looks and still have a chance at developing a relationship, it is better to be genuine, fresh, un-polished and it is okay to be nervous and not so confident.

When I was shy (which I have been several times in my life) I use to approach women anyway and simply tell them the truth—that I was attracted to them, but was shy, nervous, and totally lacking confidence at the moment. I added, however, that I was determined to overcome these feelings. Hence I was talking to them about it.

To my surprise women loved this. Women are nurturing by their very nature, and practically every woman I approached this way desired to help me overcome my nervousness and fears.  Married women would even offer to introduce me to friends and give me advice.

So the point here is if you are going to be direct and express your attraction straight up you don’t have to be polished and smooth-talking about it. Just be honest and communicate your true feelings. Women appreciate honesty and they appreciate men who express their feelings.

Another way it could be communicated, if you are not really shy, just uncomfortable, is for example: “Excuse me…I feel really uncomfortable saying this because I hate guys who do this sort of thing, but I am really attracted to you and I know of no other way of saying it other than just saying it, but I expect you to hit me over the head any minute now and tell me to go away.”

Get the point. Just say whatever it is that you honestly feel.

Now the best approach to this whole situation is to start up a conversation that doesn’t focus on looks and sexual attraction and to create “future” on commonality of interests by the end of the conversation. “Future” is a reason to meet or talk to the woman again that doesn’t involve “sexual attraction” or dating.

For example, in a book store you might strike up a conversation about books and get a girl’s number or email so you can give her the name of a really neat book you have at home that she would be interested in.

In a grocery store, you might strike up a conversation about food that ends in you getting her number or email address so you can send her a really neat recipe you have at home.

In any case, this takes a lot more skill than the other approaches above, and takes a lot of practice to master. The end result is, however, that women will accept your calls, return calls and go out on dates with you once you master this approach as this approach allows women to see you as a regular guy with similar interests rather than a sleazy pick-up-artist.

Obviously this is one of the approaches we teach you at Dating To Relating.

Mr. L. Rx

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By admin – August 12, 2011

Inner Game

DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 11/01/10Meet Women

Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx

Released by AssociatedNews.US

Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)

Question: Mr. L. Rx, do you think it is a good idea to have a couple of stories lined up for the first few minutes of conversation when meeting women.

Answer: Well, the answer is yes and no. Ultimately the skill you want to have when meeting people is just to be there and interact according to what is said – not with some preconceived idea of what you should say.

Preconceived ideas and stories will work sometimes and not other times. You stand a much better chance of hitting a high percentage of success when you can simply be there, assess what is going on and respond accordingly.

So from that viewpoint, the answer is no.

But let’s take a look at the “inner game” or internal motion aspects of the same situation.

You know that I talk a lot about watching the motion of the person you are approaching and trying to meet. I continually talk about doing things which make that person move toward you and not doing those things which make them move away from you.

The other person in the situation is you, however, and sometimes you have to treat yourself the same way you treat others. You have to observe what gets you to approach or move toward the situation and do more of that, and observe what makes you not approach or move away from the situation and do less of that.

How do we apply this?

Well, if you are a guy that has “approach anxiety” and is fearful of approaching and talking to women, then this “internal motion” is the situation you need to handle before you start handling the motion that women exhibit.

If you can not approach a woman then everything else I talk about is irrelevant.

So whatever helps you move towards “approaching women” would be the right thing to do irrespective of any other viewpoint of what is right or wrong.

For one guy it might mean that he goes out to clubs and just watches women for months on end until he gets it. Once he gets it, he feels comfortable approaching. But for another guy, that may not work. Getting a friend to be his “wing man” and introduce him to women might be what works for him. Yet another guy, might find that learning how to read palms is the tool he needs to feel comfortable to approach and meet women. And of course for another guy it might be having those couple of stories lined up for the first few minutes of conversation that makes him feel comfortable enough to approach.

It really doesn’t matter what you do, but some attention has to be put on observing your own motion toward women and motion away.  Once you are comfortable, your attention will then shift naturally from observing yourself to observing their motion.

It is not just your “approach” motion that you have to observe. Any motion is worth observing.

I once knew a guy who in the middle of successfully talking to a woman would shrivel up and go sulk away if another guy approached them while they were talking. That was a “motion away” on his part not caused by any relevant factor that the girl did, or any indication of lack of interest on her part. It was caused by an external event that touched upon his own insecurities.

He eventually handled his “motion away” by having several interesting stories worked up that he would engage in as soon as a guy approached. He felt that guys couldn’t butt in and take over if he was in the middle of a story. It worked for him, and whether his theory was true or not, it gave him the confidence to not “sulk away” so it was a workable personal strategy for him.

By observing “motion away” and “motion towards” in others and ourselves, we can develop personal strategies that are built for ourselves, not something that worked for some dating guru who doesn’t have a personality that is anything like us.

And that is what we teach guys to do at Dating To Relating.

Mr. L. Rx

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By admin – August 12, 2011

Sexual Communication

DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 10/25/10Meet Women

Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx

Released by AssociatedNews.US

Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)

Question: Mr. L. Rx, I hear a lot of people talk about “sexual communication”. What is this?

Answer: “Sexual Communication” is anything that a man or woman does or says that communicates that he or she is interested in the opposite sex, either generally or specifically.

It is important for a guy to understand how to read sexual communications sent by women and how to send sexual communication to women. Many guys are left in the “friend zone” simply because they don’t know how to use sexual communication to attract women and/or let a woman know that they are interested in her as a girlfriend – not just as a friend.

You see, it is all a matter of gradient.

There are obvious verbal and non-verbal sexual communications that are a high enough gradient that we can all figure them out.

The problem I see is that guys don’t know how to read low gradient sexual communications from women, and guys don’t know how to originate low gradient sexual communications to women. So guys fail to see that a woman is actually attracted to them, and guys blow women away by starting out at too high a sexual gradient.

Now sexual communication is a huge topic – much bigger than I can cover here. But let’s talk about one of the lowest gradients of sexual communications that frequently gets over looked. And that is ….

Being there.

What does that mean? Well, the girl who signs up to be on the dating site, has delivered the first sexual communication. Even if she made no other sexual comment or action, the very fact that she is there is a communication that she is interested in a sexual relationship. This is a general communication, not a communication specifically that she is interested in a sexual relationship with you.

But that is the good thing about dating sites. We don’t have to worry about, “Does she have a boyfriend?” etc. because we know everyone there is looking for a sexual partner.

The girl at the airport or movie theatre who makes a point to sit down right next to you when you are the only person in the area, and there are hundreds of vacant seats is also “being there” and delivering a sexual communication.

Now, the above may be rather obvious to most guys, but a few “being there” situations aren’t and must be treated as potentially a sexual communication and probed a little more to find out just what is going on.

So the clerk in the store who makes a bee line over to you after you walk in and says, “Can I help you?” is being there with you specifically. Now the problem is she could have done this because she is attracted to you or she could have done this because she is just an aggressive clerk looking for a sale.

The girl in the grocery store who sees you buying a certain brand of can goods and asks you, “How do you like that chili?” might be “being there” as a sexual communication or maybe she is just a curious, friendly person who just wants to know if anyone likes that brand of chili.

How do you know if these “maybe” situations are sexual communications or not? Well, you do a light gradient of flirting, and if that attracts her even further, then you know that was her original intent. If it blows her away, then it was probably not a sexual communication.

A lot of guys worry about whether a girl is interested in them as a boyfriend or not, on that first date. Truth be told, however, if you made an honest “date”, she has at least seen you before (not a blind date), she wouldn’t be there if there weren’t a possibility of a sexual relationship.  She wouldn’t have made the “date.”

Now that doesn’t mean it is a sure thing. That doesn’t mean you can’t blow it. But if you are worried and think there is no possibility, you are wrong.

She wouldn’t be there unless she considered there was a possibility with you.

Mr. L. Rx

Posted in Newspaper Column, Sex.

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By admin – August 12, 2011

External Relationship Factors

DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 10/18/10Meet Women

Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx

Released by AssociatedNews.US

Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)

Question: Mr. L. Rx, in your book you talk about the things that guys do that cause a woman to move closer or further away from a guy. But what about external causes that have nothing to do with your actions? How do you deal with those?

Answer: Very good question. In the book, we do tend to focus on our own behavior as it is the thing that we can most control and change as needed. However, there are times when external factors can influence your relationship and it has nothing or very little to do with your own efforts.

Pre-existing relationships with family or friends can be one of those external factors. Jobs and relationships with people at work can be another source of external influence.

For example, family members such as a mother or father can put pressure on your spouse or girlfriend to do something that you don’t want or even to look at you in a negative light. Sometimes people external to your relationship can create extra hurdles and problems for your relationship that wouldn’t exist if they weren’t there.

For example, my ex-wife’s parents use to exert pressure on my wife to “take it easy” and “not work too hard” and “take vacations” at a time when we were starting a business together.  They would invite us to come visit them or they would come visit us. We really couldn’t afford to take any time off from our young start up business, but my ex-wife’s pre-existing relationship with her parents was such that she could never say, “No” to any of their suggestions.

As a consequence, every suggestion they made moved my ex-wife and myself a little further apart, because I could see the malice in their intentions, and all she could see was a command that had to be obeyed.

Can you overcome such external obstacles as these and others when they are happening? Perhaps, but many times it will be near impossible to overcome such influence. The best way to handle this external influence potential is to qualify for it when you first meet a person.

Look for and spot any negative relationships that your potential mate might have amongst her family, friends, or work cohorts. What is important is that you learn and observe how your potential mate deals with such relationships. It isn’t how “bad” or “mean” the mother-in-law is, for example, it is more, “How does your potential mate deal with such a person?”

The kind of relationships and situations that will cause you grief to no end, are those relationships in which your mate can not stand up for themselves – those relationships where they have to do what the other person says “no matter what” – those relationships which cause your potential mate to lose their integrity.

I have had girlfriends with the most abusive parents in the world, yet these situations caused me no grief because these girlfriends had the ability to stand up to their parents and say, “No” to anything the parents said that was unreasonable.

On the other hand, the situation in which a wife who couldn’t say, “That is not a good week to visit, can you come some other time?” to her parents led to all kinds of distress, arguments, and external turmoil.

Negative external factors are not easy to handle if they are entwined into your relationship. The best time to handle them is before you get too involved with a person. No matter how much you might love a person, no matter how cute or attractive they are, if you see that they cannot handle abusive parents, siblings, friends, other relatives, etc. be very careful about your decision to get involved with that person.

It is not something we are trained to look at when “looking for love” but if you want a sane and a lasting relationship, it is something that must be confronted and looked at from day one.

Mr. L. Rx

Posted in Newspaper Column, Relate To Women.

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By admin – August 12, 2011

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