DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 5/11/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
Released by AssociatedNews.US
Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: I feel shy and awkward around women. I can’t tell them how I am really attracted to them. What should I do?
Answer: Well, that answer is different for different guys, and different for different situations. Best to check out Dating To Relating – From A To Z for a full answer to that. But here is an example of how I overcame my shyness in one situation.
I used to feel uncomfortable approaching women. If I saw a hot woman, I felt like walking up to her and saying “Wow, are you hot or what?” or “Will you marry me?” or “I’m in love.” Or “Hey, I just saw you over there and I’m really attracted to you.”
I thought the sequence of approach was something like this:
1) You have to approach the girl or she is gone forever and you lose.
2) You have to tell her you are attracted to her or you won’t be able to create the chance of seeing her again.
Problem is I couldn’t bring myself to do it, too shy, too insecure about myself. So I would just let the opportunity pass. One day I finally sat down and I figured out that the real problem was I was uncomfortable with telling a hot girl exactly how much I liked her because I didn’t want to face the rejection (especially in front of other people) if she responded negatively.
Now prior to this I watched guys approaching girls and observed some gradients. I observed that it didn’t really matter what you said to a girl, if a girl liked you she would say something back. If she is interested in you she will keep the conversation going, if she is NOT she will end the conversation quickly and try to get away.
So I added some gradients steps between 1 and 2 above to make it less embarrassing for me if I got shot down.
1) Approach the girl or she is gone forever and you lose.
2) Say something to her or someway attempt to engage her in a conversation or she probably won’t do it herself.
3) Say something neutral that will not embarrass you or be obvious to people around that you are hitting on her.
4) Watch her response – does she try to keep the conversation going?
5) If she doesn’t, let her go – no harm no foul – nothing to be embarrassed about after all you just asked her for the time. But if she keeps the conversation going and appears to be interested in doing so – go to the next step.
6) Keep the conversation going. At some point add a slight “flirt” and see how she responds – something like “Wow, you have really pretty eyes.”
7) If the slight flirt doesn’t push her away, take it to the next level. Tell her she is an interesting person and you would like to talk to her some more but you have to go. Get her phone number and/or email.
8) Now you have achieved step 2 (letting her know you are attracted to her)in the first example above because women are used to subtle communications, and she now knows you are interested in her and thinks you are really cool because you did it in normal way (not the usual guy way – “Wow, you are so beautiful!”)
With this one observation I worked out a gradient strategy that forever handled my uncomfortable feelings and shyness. My shyness was really about me not wanting to look stupid by getting shot down by some girl in front of other people. When I observed the motion between men and women and that it really didn’t matter what you said to a girl (if she is interested she will manage to keep the conversation going). I realized I didn’t need to tell a girl that I liked her and was attracted to her on the approach.
So my best pick up line became and still is today, “Hi!”
Mr. L. Rx
