DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 10/11/10
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
Released by AssociatedNews.US
Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, I read your column about rapport a few weeks ago. I am really interested in this topic. Are there any other ways to establish rapport?
Answer: Yes, one can establish rapport by asking questions and getting answers. The most important thing is to ask questions that elicit emotional response not just social, friendly, calm, or logical answers.
This is an old sales trick that any good salesman knows.
You see, the guy who comes into the electronic store and is looking for a 36 inch HDTV doesn’t really care about pixels, channels, sound, etc. He is not really there to ascertain the information about the TV. He is really there to prove to his wife that “he is the boss” and can determine what they spend money on, or he is really there to reward himself for working hard, because “no one else does” or he is really there to spite his boss whom he hates and show his boss who is coming over next week that he is “a better person”.
Now, when a salesman finds out this emotional answer from the potential buyer he closes the deal by establishing rapport and repeating the emotional words to the potential buyer. So the salesman doesn’t say, “Well, it’s 32 inches, HDTV and the highest tech, blah blah blah…” Instead he says, “Well, if you really want to show your wife that ‘you are the boss’ you will get the 32 inch, HDTV, with PIP because it screams “boss!”
Or he says, “If you really want to reward yourself because no one else does, then you’ll get the super audio 40 inch HDTV, blah blah blah.” Or he says, “If you really want to show your boss you are a better person than him then get the blah blah blah!”
When you find the emotion behind the guys behavior – no matter what it is – you will establish rapport. The guy will feel like you really understand him.
Same goes for dating. Find out her passion, find out what she hates, find out what she loves. Ask questions like, “How do you feel about that?” or “Doesn’t that make you mad?” or, “That must have been exhilarating?”
When you get the definite emotional response, note the exact words she uses, and say them back to her exactly. “Yeah, I hate it when people don’t listen”, “I love old cinema.” or, “Selfish people are such a turnoff.”
Now when you get a little more experience and you start to recognize personality types and approach a personality type knowing something about them before you even talk to them, you can take rapport to a new level, and say something that would be exactly what they would say before they get a chance to say it.
So when you have that first date with the girl you have never met before and from ten feet away you can see she is an “angry” women, then you establish rapport when you walk up to her and the first words out of your mouth are, “Did you see what that hostess said to me? I hate rude people like that, they make me soooo angry!”
That establishes instant rapport and very solid rapport because you said it before she did.
Now that takes a little experience and keen observation, but in the meantime, ask a lot of questions, elicit an emotional response, repeat what ever is said to show that you understand what is important to her and you will establish a very close rapport with her.
Don’t be surprised if she says something like, “Wow, you are the first person I have ever met that really understands me!”
Mr. L. Rx
