DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 1/12/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, some of the men’s gurus advocate telling lies to women to pick them up. How do you feel about that?
Answer: Well that is actually a tough question. I advocate telling the truth to women as a general rule, however there are no absolutes. It is actually “harmful lies” and “harmful truths” that should be avoided.
What is a harmful lie or a harmful truth varies with personality type. Telling one woman that she is “fat and ugly” might inspire her to do something about her looks and help her improve herself. Telling another woman the same words might depress her and make her want to “never go out again.” So in one case the truth helps and in another it harms.
So, as always, exact actions are situational and appropriate to a set of circumstances. Knowing when to say what may be an act of diplomacy. However if you are not a diplomat and you just need a rule of thumb to follow then, in general, I always advocate telling women the truth. This is especially true when meeting women for the first time.
I know a lot of guys who try to impress women by lying not about major things (Like “I own a Bentley and live in Beverly Hills” ) but about their likes and desires. Things they think won’t harm anyone if they lie about it. Things that just help them “get the girl”.
So, for example, a guy doesn’t like being a gentleman. He doesn’t like opening car doors, and holding hands, and buying flowers. But he pretends like he likes it and does it anyway because he feels he has to do this to get the girl. He doesn’t perceive this as a harmful lie, when in fact it is harmful to both himself and the girl he is dating.
Why is it harmful? It is harmful because he is misrepresenting himself and ultimately that will come back to haunt him.
What typically happens is the guy will be a gentleman until he “gets” the girl. So when he is confident she is his girlfriend, or she moves in with him, or in some cases it might be when she marries him, he then stops doing these things he doesn’t like as he now “has” the girl.
Now the girl became the “girlfriend” or moved in with him, or married him because she thought he was a gentleman and liked that about him. But because he lied about who he really was it all starts to unravel when he “gets” the girl and stops acting like a gentleman. It ends in a breakup or divorce. Thus the lie was ultimately harmful to the relationship itself.
It is much better to tell a woman the truth and, in this case, find a woman who doesn’t need or want you to be a gentleman. This way you can continue to be who you are after you get the girl and your marriage won’t fall apart because of a lie.
So if you don’t quite have the ability to be situational and want a guiding principle then this is it. Always tell the truth.
Mr. L. Rx
