DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 11/01/10
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
Released by AssociatedNews.US
Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, do you think it is a good idea to have a couple of stories lined up for the first few minutes of conversation when meeting women.
Answer: Well, the answer is yes and no. Ultimately the skill you want to have when meeting people is just to be there and interact according to what is said – not with some preconceived idea of what you should say.
Preconceived ideas and stories will work sometimes and not other times. You stand a much better chance of hitting a high percentage of success when you can simply be there, assess what is going on and respond accordingly.
So from that viewpoint, the answer is no.
But let’s take a look at the “inner game” or internal motion aspects of the same situation.
You know that I talk a lot about watching the motion of the person you are approaching and trying to meet. I continually talk about doing things which make that person move toward you and not doing those things which make them move away from you.
The other person in the situation is you, however, and sometimes you have to treat yourself the same way you treat others. You have to observe what gets you to approach or move toward the situation and do more of that, and observe what makes you not approach or move away from the situation and do less of that.
How do we apply this?
Well, if you are a guy that has “approach anxiety” and is fearful of approaching and talking to women, then this “internal motion” is the situation you need to handle before you start handling the motion that women exhibit.
If you can not approach a woman then everything else I talk about is irrelevant.
So whatever helps you move towards “approaching women” would be the right thing to do irrespective of any other viewpoint of what is right or wrong.
For one guy it might mean that he goes out to clubs and just watches women for months on end until he gets it. Once he gets it, he feels comfortable approaching. But for another guy, that may not work. Getting a friend to be his “wing man” and introduce him to women might be what works for him. Yet another guy, might find that learning how to read palms is the tool he needs to feel comfortable to approach and meet women. And of course for another guy it might be having those couple of stories lined up for the first few minutes of conversation that makes him feel comfortable enough to approach.
It really doesn’t matter what you do, but some attention has to be put on observing your own motion toward women and motion away. Once you are comfortable, your attention will then shift naturally from observing yourself to observing their motion.
It is not just your “approach” motion that you have to observe. Any motion is worth observing.
I once knew a guy who in the middle of successfully talking to a woman would shrivel up and go sulk away if another guy approached them while they were talking. That was a “motion away” on his part not caused by any relevant factor that the girl did, or any indication of lack of interest on her part. It was caused by an external event that touched upon his own insecurities.
He eventually handled his “motion away” by having several interesting stories worked up that he would engage in as soon as a guy approached. He felt that guys couldn’t butt in and take over if he was in the middle of a story. It worked for him, and whether his theory was true or not, it gave him the confidence to not “sulk away” so it was a workable personal strategy for him.
By observing “motion away” and “motion towards” in others and ourselves, we can develop personal strategies that are built for ourselves, not something that worked for some dating guru who doesn’t have a personality that is anything like us.
And that is what we teach guys to do at Dating To Relating.
Mr. L. Rx
