DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 6/15/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
Released by AssociatedNews.US
Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: I am only 18 and don’t want to really settle down with one person yet, but I do want to meet women and have fun. What do you recommend?
Answer: Well first and foremost, I recommend that you are honest with the women you meet and tell them exactly the kind of relationship you are looking for.
Whether you want a traditional or non-traditional relationship, honesty is always the best policy.
I have personally had a variety of relationships in my life from one night stands to marriage and everything in between. One night stands, although perhaps not as advisable in this time of AIDS as when I did it in the 70s, are only hurtful when one person is playing another. When one person is lying and making it look like they want more than a one-nighter, it can be very hurtful.
When two people agree to have a one night stand because that is what they are both looking for, there is usually no hurt involved. Men seem to think that there are no women that are into one-nighters, but the truth is there are plenty. However, most women can tell when you are just trying to take advantage of them and lying to them. And although you may occasionally find a sucker, more women than not will turn down an offer from an obvious liar.
When you are truthful and just tell someone what you are really looking for you will find that there are usually plenty more women who are willing to co-operate with an honest guy then there are suckers who can be taken in by a liar.
Telling the truth is also very important when seeking a traditional relationship. Many guys lie and pretend like they like certain things to attract a woman. For example, a guy might be a gentleman and open the door for a woman, put his coat around her when she is cold, etc. when in fact it is a lie. He is not a gentleman, and is only doing those things because he wants to get the girl “in a relationship.”
Of course, when he then lands her as a girlfriend, he stops the chivalry after a while, which of course leads to complaints from her a short time later.
You see he was lying – pretending to be someone he really wasn’t and although lies may work in the short frame of things, in the long frame they will always backfire. If a girl is attracted to you because you are a gentleman or chivalrous, you can’t suddenly stop doing those things just because you are now married or she is now your girlfriend.
But the sad truth is when the actions are a “lie”, when a guy really isn’t a gentleman, and really doesn’t want to be chivalrous, he is going to stop doing it sooner or later because he really doesn’t like doing it. Or if he continues doing it anyway, he will build up resentment and start treating the woman badly in other ways.
The good thing about life is there is someone for everyone. You don’t have to pretend to be something you aren’t to attract people. Perhaps you may have to get a little better at learning how to meet people who would be attracted to you, but believe me there is someone who would like you just the way you are.
So when you meet people the best course of action is always tell the truth about yourself and what you are looking for.
Mr. L. Rx
