DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 9/13/11
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, how do you tell the difference between when a girl is just being friendly and when she is actually flirting with you?
Answer: Very good question. First of all let’s make some distinctions between various behaviors by women.
There is definite flirting behavior when a girl is interested in you and there is definite “not interested” behavior when she is not. There is another type of behavior that is “just friendly” and a similar type of behavior that is “just flirting” – in other words, it is not meant to be taken seriously and is not meant to go anywhere.
Now I am not going to tackle the obvious, when a girl asks you out or tells you how handsome you are, etc. that is flirtation behavior you should get. But here is what girls do when they are being more subtle and less aggressive and are interested in establishing something with you.
1) They will suggest or establish “future” in your conversation. You know, “Let’s hang some time,” or “I know a place you would really like. I will take you there sometime”, or something of the sort. It would be usually one-on-one type situations, but if she wants to check you out more, then it might be an invitation to a group function. “My girlfriend and I are going to blah-blah, Sunday. Would you like to come?” Be careful of the last one, though, it could be a “just-friends” invitation.
2) They will compliment you. The more sexual the compliment, the more flirty and interested it might be. For example, “You have a cute butt,” would be a more sexual compliment. However “I had a great time” or “I really enjoyed hanging with you” are still very good indicators that a girl is really interested. (Make sure that she originates the compliment and is not just being polite and complimenting you because you complimented her.)
3) A phone call, text, or email from the girl saying what a nice or enjoyable time she had with you a few minutes to a few hours after getting together with her is another good indicator that she is really interested in you. Even a contact the next day or within a few days of the same nature is a good indicator.
In other words, girls who are really flirting, with the intention of it going somewhere, try to give you a few extra hints that they are really interested and that you should pursue them. Now there is one other kind of girl that won’t do any of the above, but you will notice you have good one-on-one conversation with her every time you meet and have a chance to converse. She is there, always talks to you, doesn’t run away, but also doesn’t suggest future or give compliments. She might be the type that is a little shy and wants you to make the first move.
Now the hard ones are “friendly girls” who are affectionate and out-going types but are not really flirting. They may be really friendly and talkative to you. They may compliment you on something (but not usually a sexual compliment) and they may give you a hug or a cheek-kiss.
Now if a girl does this and she doesn’t do any of 1-3 above, and she sort of avoids any significant one-on-one time or conversations (in other words she tries to interact with you in group situations or just briefly) then she is just being friendly and you will probably see her interacting with other men and women in the same way (another clue).
A “flirty girl” who is just flirting to have fun, will probably do much of the same behavior as the “friendly girl” and may even get a little sexual with her flirts and compliments, but again, it will probably be in group situations and she will avoid any serious one-on-one with you.
If you have any doubt about “friendly girls” or “flirty girls” just try to up the gradient of flirtation and see how they respond. If they are really flirting with you and are interested in it going somewhere, they will respond appropriately when you up the gradient. If they back down or withdraw, or are anything less than “eager” when you up the gradient, then you know that they are just being friendly or flirty and you should not take it seriously.
So ask them out, ask for their phone number, or suggest some one-on-one time and see how they respond. If they respond positively, eagerly – they are interested; if they are hesitant or respond negatively, or “politely” – they are just being “friendly” or “flirty.”
Mr. L. Rx
