DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 11/15/10
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, how do you handle women who are just trying to use you? I have been going out with this beautiful girl who makes me take her out to all these expensive restaurants, but it has been four dates now and I haven’t even gotten a kiss. I am beginning to feel used.
Answer: First of all, no one can “make” you do anything. If you are taking her out to expensive restaurants it is because you want to. You are not upset because you are taking her out to expensive restaurants, you are upset because you are expecting something in return and you are not getting it.
You think this girl is beautiful and you have probably made a half dozen mistakes. Your first mistake was you probably let her know that you were enraptured by her right away, either verbally or non-verbally by the smile on your face or the look in your eyes.
Unfortunately, it is human nature to take advantage of people when we can. Both men and women do it. Did you ever know a girl that was really attracted to you and offered to do all kinds of nice things for you. Even if you were not attracted to her, what did you do?
Did you blow her away or did you see an opportunity and take advantage of it? Good food? Clean apartment? No matter how good intentioned we are, we all seem to like admiration and having nice things done for us. It is an ego boost.
So your first mistake was to let this girl know how crazy you were about her before you got to know her a little better. Some people are way more manipulative and “taking” than others. It is one thing to let someone know you are slightly attracted to him/her, it is another to let that person know you are “goo-goo, gaa-gaa” over him/her.
Get to know a person before you play your hand. Don’t just judge a woman on her looks. Some of the best looking people in the world can also be some of the cruelest and most manipulative people in the world. Make it known that you judge people on their personality and behavior not just their looks.
Show that you are attracted to her but show equally that you are not stupid and would not get with someone just because she is pretty. Now this was your biggest mistake, but I am sure you made plenty others. You probably talked too much about yourself trying to impress her. You probably focused too much on sexual topics and innuendo. I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t listen to what she had to say enough and didn’t create any “non-date” or non-sexual future with her.
When it comes to manipulation, I find there are basically two kinds of women. One kind is just sort of evil and manipulative and want to use men in general. The other isn’t inclined to manipulate, but will when they tell a guy that they are not interested and the guy persists any way.
Manipulative women are easy. I use their manipulative nature against them. By showing vague interest but not showing that I am crazy about her looks, and by giving little clues as to what I like, I can control and direct her manipulative attempts. They will do all kinds of nice things for me in an attempt to “hook” me, so to speak, so they can subsequently manipulate me. The problem for them is I never get “hooked” and they end up doing nice things for me as long as I want. Their manipulative nature backfires on them.
The second kind of women is not really manipulative by nature. They just get tired of telling guys that they are not interested only to have the guy not get it. So to drive home the message, these women will typically “make you pay” until you get the message. So they will ask you to take them to expensive dinners, shows, etc. and they won’t give you that kiss or even any satisfaction until you get so fed up that you don’t want to see them any more.
This may be what is going on in your case.
If you treated these kind of women right in the first place, you won’t find yourself in this scenario. If you want to know how to treat them right, then get a copy of “Dating To Relating From A To Z.”
Mr. L. Rx
