DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 5/18/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: What can you say to start an attractive woman talking about herself?
Answer: Well, rather than saying something witty and clever it is best to ask questions. Qualify the girl, ask her anything you are interested in knowing about her. No better way to get someone to talk about themselves than to ask them about themselves and show interest.
Now of course, there are personality types that give you one word answers rather than elaborate. This makes it tough. However, this is not common. Most women are more than willing to talk if you as them questions. But for the few who aren’t and give me the short answers, I will ask multiple questions (trying to get at what I want to know from different angles) then make a comment about how I feel about the area of questioning.
I never have any problem holding a conversation with someone and that is what I do 90% of the time. However, I will qualify a girl on the phone first before I meet her in person. If she can’t hold a decent phone conversation, I am not interested and don’t set a date.
Question: How do I become successful just being the real me and not have to pretend to be someone I am not. I do not want to fake and lie.
Answer: The way you are successful just being yourself without having to pretend to be someone you are not is to meet lots of women and qualify the women for those who are attracted to your type.
When you don’t meet a lot of women, just an occasional girl, then when you do meet someone you are usually trying to impress her and “get” her to like you – after all you don’t get many shots at it.
When you meet lots of women, your attention starts to naturally go onto “qualifying” them. Finding the ones that you like, finding the ones that like you and the ones that are compatible with your personality. After awhile, you develop an attitude of rejecting women who are not compatible. And since you meet lots of women you won’t find it to be a big deal if someone is not interested in you.
Question: After you get past the stage where you only try to ask questions, and you have to have full conversations, what if you have a hard time thinking of what to say? I’ve had problems talking on the phone for long periods of time.
Answer: Questions are not “rapid fire.” You ask a question and if the person gives you a full answer that usually triggers a comment or more questions from you. When you comment, they might ask you some questions, or comment on your comment. Holding a conversation is usually quite easy when you have the right person. When the conversation doesn’t flow it might be an indicator (not always) that you don’t have a compatible personality type.
Mr. L. Rx
