DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 10/12/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
Released by AssociatedNews.US
Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: I work in a nice Italian restaurant where I take orders from the clients and prepare their food right in front of them. Thing is, there is usually a line-up and I have a limited time to get her interested. What can I say in the 3-5 minutes to get myself a date? My usual trick if I’ve chatted with her a bit is to leave her a dessert in a take-out container and fix a little note inside with my number. Works maybe half the time and I get a call or text but they always seem to be busy week after week, I don’t like to look clingy – thinking it’s a test each time – so I give up after a couple of tries. What am I doing wrong?
Answer: The main ingredient that you are failing to serve in the above scenario is “Future.” Meeting women and creating a relationship is all about “Future.” “Future is something that you have to establish from the first moment you meet them.
What is “Future”? “Future” is a reason to see or talk to you again “in the future”. Think about it. A relationship is nothing but “future.” A relationship is an agreement with someone that you will do something with them in the future. No “future”, no relationship.
Now for most women, the fact that you like them and think they are cute (which they can determine by your dessert and note) is not a good enough reason to see you again in the future. All that means to them is that you are sexually attracted to them. Believe it or not, this does not make you special because they probably get this each and every day of their life from many guys.
Now if you went about creating “future” with these girls properly, not only would they call you back and not be busy, but they would probably ask you for your number or give you their number in the first place.
So how do you establish future. Well in that three 3-5 minutes that you have, you have to discover something that these girls are really interested in and something that you can offer with respect to that that has nothing to do with dating or sex. This will make you unique and different from all the other guys who are just hitting up on them and will create attraction.
So for example, you notice that the girl is a great or sharp dresser. So you compliment her on that. “Wow, you have really nice taste in clothes. Where do you buy your clothes?” (Now obviously she is interested in clothes. That is why she is a sharp dresser.) She says, “Oh, thank you, I get most of my stuff from Petros on First Street.”
You say, “You would probably like that new shop in the plaza.” She says, “Which one?” You say, “I forget the name but they really have nice stuff there that seems like your style. I go by it all the time I just can’t remember the name right now. I will check the name the next time I go by and ask me the next time you come in.”
Now you have given her a reason to talk to you in the future that isn’t dependent on you being sexually attracted to her. Establish mutual interests and value in the future each and every time you talk to her in the restaurant or when she calls you on the phone. Gives her reason and motivation to call you again or return your calls.
She might even give you her number in the restaurant rather than you having to slip her a note, or if you do slip her a note have it say, “Call me in a few days and I will give you the name of that store.”
This is only one example, there are a thousand ways to be creative when establishing future. It may be a little hard to think of ideas at first, and you may even think of what you could have said hours later. That’s ok. Keep working at it and soon it becomes natural and easy to do.
Mr. L. Rx
