DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 7/19/10
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, I have been dating a woman once a week for three weeks now. She doesn’t seem to really, really, like me. How do I convince her to like me?
Answer: You should never have to convince a woman to like you. If you go about it that way, you are going about it all wrong.
Romance is based on attraction. Relationship attraction is created. You could be literally the most physically ugly guy in the world and still create romantic attraction. Conversely, you could be the most physically handsome guy in the world and blow women away left and right.
Just because a woman’s glance might be attracted to look at you or repulsed by looking at you does not translate into romantic attraction or lack of it.
Now trying to convince someone to like you is “ugly” or repulsive in a non-physical dimension. It is a repulsive or “ugly” personality trait. Convincing is not attractive. It is the opposite of attractive.
Now let’s say you are a very handsome guy with a severe personality deficiency. Well “convincing” might work for you because you got this physical attraction vector going on. But if you are an average guy or an ugly guy, give up. Otherwise, you will have two very unattractive vectors going for you – ugly and “convincing”.
Even if you are an attractive guy, “convincing” might blow it for you. You could be on the fence of attraction and the “convincing” could be the thing that just makes you “ugly.”
So the best way to go about this is to create attraction. To do that you first have to understand the personality you are dealing with, as what is attractive to one person may not be attractive to another.
The only rule we can give you that is consistent across all personality types is to observe motion. “Motion toward” is attraction. “Motion away is repulsion”. Motion that neither approaches nor moves away is neither attracted or repulsed.
So don’t “convince” the girl, “observe” the girl. Be yourself. Do what you normally do. If you do something and she moves a little further away physically, mentally, emotionally, or romantically, then you are not creating attraction.
So if you want to create attraction you are going to have to adjust and not do that anymore, or if that is too much of a compromise, then go find a new girl.
If you do something and she moves a little closer physically, mentally, emotionally, or romantically, then you are creating attraction. Continue doing the same thing and more of it, and more like it and you will be creating attraction.
Example: You give a girl you are dating a small “stuffed animal” present. She doesn’t say thank you. She doesn’t go on and on about how nice it was. She just takes it and says “oh, a stuffed animal” or says thank you very politely with no feeling.
Don’t do that again. It didn’t work and it didn’t create any attraction. On the other hand if you gave the girl the “stuffed animal” present and she got a big smile and gave you a kiss on the cheek, and went on and on about how nice that was, then you did create attraction. Do more of it and more like it.
If at any point this thing that once worked started creating non-attraction motion. Figure out what you did wrong (too many gifts, not stuffed animal, too expensive, etc) and don’t do it again, and go back to what worked.
But whatever you do, don’t ever try to convince someone to like you.
Mr. L. Rx
