DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 8/31/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
Released by AssociatedNews.US
Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, is there an easy way to break up with someone?
Answer: Wow, what a good relationship question. And the answer is that it depends on the persons involved. It can be easy or very hard.
I have had relationships where we laughingly realized we are not right for each other and parted as friends with laughter and smiles and stayed friends afterwards. Then I have had relationships where I never wanted to speak to the person again, and vice versa.
In general, the more of a “surprise” there is in the break up event for either party, the more upsetting it is to get the break up news. So, one of the things that you can do to make it easier on everyone is to express your doubts as soon as you feel them. It is easier to handle doubts when they first arise and haven’t built up. If not handleable, then at least you got it out in the open early and there won’t be a sudden surprise if you want to end the relationship.
Being truthful the whole time you are in a relationship also makes the eventual break up easier if it occurs. Don’t ever lie to women and make them think you are more interested than you are just to get sex.
If you have mixed feelings, it is better to tell the truth. You probably will still get sex, but no one will be taken by surprise if it doesn’t work out. You might even be able to break up and remain friends.
So not lying, you can probably deduce, rules out cheating on your boyfriend or girlfriend. Cheating is a lie, and it leads to a lot of hard feelings.“Finding out” is usually rather sudden. If you feel like cheating, be honest and tell your partner that you feel like cheating on them and why. It is much better to discuss it and either repair the situation, or break-up than cheat.
Losing your own personal integrity probably does you more harm in the long run then it does to the person you cheat on. If you are the kind of person who cheats because you simply can’t or aren’t ready for a monogamous relationship, well that is another situation that is best handled with honesty.
I have had many multiple relationships in my life, but I have never cheated on anyone or lied to anyone about my intentions. I have found that there are plenty of women who either will let me have multiple relationships or they want the same thing. I don’t consider these type of relationships “girlfriends”, just people that I am dating in between committed relationships.
But in any case, I have never had anyone break up with me because I was seeing someone else. The breakups I have had have always had to do with other “compatibility” issues.
So in final analysis, breaking up IS hard to do. But good honest communication the whole time you are in a relationship can make the break up (if it eventually happens) a lot easier to deal with in the end.
Mr. L. Rx
