DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 3/29/10
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
Released by AssociatedNews.US
Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx , what are the mistakes the guys typically make to screw up a healthy relationship?
Answer: Well here are five of the most common basic mistakes.
1) Cheating.
2) Stopping creating the romance that they created to win the girl in the first place.
3) Not continually creating a common opponent to fight as teammates.
4) Not continuing to monitor the goals and purposes of the team and make sure that they are still in unison.
5) Not making sure she continues to do all of the above too.
Now to create a relationship with a willing partner who wants the same thing as you do, all you have to do is continue to create romance, continue to be teammates against a common opponent (and not turn on each other for lack of a “real opponent”), continue to stay in communication with each other as you grow and change (to create staying “on the same page”), continue to be teammates and not become the enemy (by cheating or some such thing) and finally make sure your partner continues to do all of these things too.
1) Cheating – When you cheat, you become the enemy. You are no longer working as team mates for the same thing. You have a hidden agenda and you are not working for the best interest of the team.
2) A lot of guys make the mistake of stopping to romance the girl. When they consider her a teammate they feel they no longer have to “win her over” or romance her. They feel they have “got” her. This is a big mistake.
All those things you did to impress her and get her, worked. These were the things that created “attraction” towards you. Now that you have secured this agreement for her to be your girlfriend or wife and enter into this new game of “teammates” it doesn’t mean that the old game is over. And if you don’t continue to do the things which cause attraction, you will lose her.
3) Now once you move from the stage of a relationship where you are trying to win the girl over, you enter a stage where you are teammates mostly (but remember still keep doing those things to cause the girl to be continually attracted to you)
In the “teammate ” stage you are in agreement. You are a couple and you are approaching the world together as a team. Now, depending on your type of relationship agreement, that can be anything from just creating mutual pleasure together (like sex, or hanging out) to combining your finances and taking on the world financially to improve your mutual lot, to deciding to take on “having kids” and raising them to the standards that you both agree on.
Continually setting goals and working on those goals as a team helps to create a relationship. Stop doing this and the relationship will start falling apart.
4) Now to continually monitor these goals you set as a team, this means communication. You have to talk to your partner and continually monitor where they are at with respect to your mutual and their and your personal goals. People change and grow. You can’t assume the girl you married 3 years ago is the same girl today. You can’t assume the things that she considered important and wanted to work on with you 3 years ago, 1 year ago, even 6 months ago are still the goals she has today.
Communicate! Talk! Listen! You have to continually find out where you are at. If you keep communication in then you wont’ have any surprise. If you assume she is the same (when she isn’t) then you will be surprised one day when you exclaim “I don’t know who you are anymore” as she walks out the door or cheats on you.
5) Finally, you have to get your girl to do all of these things too. One person creating a relationship is better than none, but two people creating a relationship is a cinch for success.
Mr. L. Rx
