DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 5/24/10
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, this girl I have been dating says she is really attracted to me physically, but she broke up with me because I don’t meet all of her needs. I don’t understand this and she won’t explain it any further. What’s going on?
Answer: There are many types of attraction vectors involved in sexual relationships. Especially for women, it is not all about what you look like or sex.
For example, sexual attraction can be two-way mutual sex attraction, or a one way physical attraction with another dynamic attraction factor (money, emotion, power, status, political, mental stimulation, etc.) replacing or in addition to physical attraction on the other’s part.
What this girl is telling you is that physical attraction is not enough for her to get involved in a long term sexual relationship with you.
I don’t know much about your situation but perhaps she is looking for an economic attraction. Some women only get involved with a boyfriend who they are attracted to and who has money enough to take care of them. Some women don’t even care if a man is physically attractive if he has money. We usually call these latter kind of women “gold diggers.”
Or it could be she is looking for an emotional attraction in addition to a physical attraction. Emotional attraction can be either one-way or mutual and is usually the most compelling factor in determining relationships for both men and women. (Although men are attracted to women for other factors, usually physical, emotional factors tend to be the deal clinchers.)
Emotionally, for example, we will often become attracted to a person who we know is really attracted to us because we know they will be super nice to us and treat us right. Similarly we are often attracted to people who make us feel cool, wanted, desirable, etc.
Whether this feeling is generated internally (the hot girl who does absolutely nothing for you but go out and look hot in front of all your friends thereby making you look cool and desirable to others) or externally (the not so hot girl who tells you over and over again how good looking, etc. you are), we all like relating to people who make us feel good about ourselves.
Other emotional attraction vectors influencing relationships involve friendship, compatibility, good communication, emotional support, and mental stimulation among others.
I don’t have time to go over all of these factors here, but you should realize that it is not all about looks for women. If you want to attempt to rescue the relationship then look into some of these other areas where you may be coming up short and see if you can make any corrections.
Mr. L. Rx
