DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 4/12/10
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, I have no trouble walking up to women and talking to them, but I never seem to get anywhere. I don’t ever get any dates. Worse yet, I don’t know if I am even trying to get a date. Actually, I am waiting for the girl to suggest that we do something together. What am I doing wrong?
Answer: Sounds like you are not establishing future. Future is an interesting but very overlooked dating and relating concept. Future is the essence of a relationship. It is the “why” in “Why we have a relationship.”
If we didn’t care about future, our dating and love life would be different.
We would simply wake up in the morning, go about our life and randomly hook up with someone for some romantic pleasure, then go our merry ways respectively.
While there are a few people who do live their lives this way, most of us care about future. We want to hook up with someone romantically that we can also hook up with in the future over and over again.
Most of us are concerned with future, and yes, it is the driving force behind the concept of a relationship, yet it is seldom talked about and there is little education on this topic with respect to dating and relationships.
So let’s break the mold and start addressing it. Because, understanding and creating “future” makes meeting women, attracting women, and relating to women much less difficult.
All of these activities start, survive and end on the concept of future. But it is key to remember that it is not just future alone, it is “future” mixed with acceptable activity in the future.
If you don’t have “creating a future” as a target in mind when you first meet a woman, it can be a mistake. You can randomly talk to a woman, establish no future, then just walk away when the conversation is over. This would be a mistake and you would leave with some sort of odd feeling of “I wonder if I should have said…” or “I wonder if I should have asked her…”
When you are trying to meet women, make your job easier. Have some attention on future and a goal to walk away with an agreement to contact each other again in the future for some reason.
The most obvious way to establish future is to ask a girl out on a date. But when it comes to strangers walking down the street, well it might work on “not-so-hot-chicks” but it definitely does not work on “really hot chicks” as they get asked out about 15 times a day every day. They also get tired of guys just being interested in them for their body.
So with hot girls the goal is to establish future without seeming like you are only interested in their body. The best way to do this is to engage them in some sort of conversation, find an area of mutual interest, then find something they are really interested in that you know, and say you will email them or call them with some information on it.
Since you are not focusing on how “hot” and sexy they are, they will most always accept and/or return your call or email.
Each time you call or email them create more future.
This is how you will end up with a date.
Mr. L. Rx
