DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 4/5/10
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
Released by AssociatedNews.US
Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: I’ve read some of your works on relationships. I use to have a good relationship but it seems we are just drifting apart. No cheating or anything like that, but we seem to be no longer interested in the same things. How do you keep a relationship together under such circumstances?
Answer: Now the thing is, as you get through the first stage of attracting the girl, there comes a point where you start working together as a team pursuing mutual goals – house, car, boat, vacations, kids, etc. The thing you have to remember about this is that the process of working together as a team is more important than the things you obtain as a team. Teamwork is like “glue” that holds a couple together.
Sometimes when a couple achieves some of the goals that are the objects of their teamwork, they forget to replace those goals with new ones. Sooner or later if you don’t replace old goals with new ones you run out of things to work together on.
So often a couple gets engaged, gets married, has children, gets a nice house, gets a nice car and then stop setting goals and their teamwork disappears.
Sometimes it doesn’t even go that far. Sometimes they both have a simple goal like moving in together. They do that and then stop creating team projects. Like the need to continue to do the things you did to attract her, working together to achieve goals and solve problems is the expanded foundation of a relationship. As long as you keep working together as a team and setting new goals to accomplish, you will continue to create a healthy satisfying relationship.
Goals don’t always have to be mutual goals. Sometimes a couple helps each other on personal goals. They work together as a team to get her to lose 10 pounds. They work together as a team to get him a better job.
Doing that creates the relationship in a healthy manner. Telling your girl “you’d better lose ten pounds or I am out of here” doesn’t. Telling the guy he’d “better get a better job” or you are gone doesn’t create a relationship either. These kinds of attitudes make you “enemies” or “opponents” rather than teammates.
Mutual goals are common “opponents” and make you teammates fighting against your obstacles to achieving your goals.
I can go on and on and on, on this topic, but I think you get the point. Continually setting goals and working on those goals as a team helps to create a relationship. Stop doing this and the relationship will start falling apart or drifting away.
Mr. L. Rx
