DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 2/8/10
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, what kind of mistakes have you made on dates that lost you women? What is the best strategy to use when going on second and third dates, etc.
Answer: I have made plenty of mistakes. There is no one right way for a guy to behave with a woman. But if you use a strategy you will only be right 10-30 percent of the time. If you simply talk to women, ask questions and listen to the answers, they will tell you where they are at about things and what to do to get them. If you approach it this way, you can be right 70-90 percent of the time.
I close about 90 percent of the women I meet on a first date for a second date. And when I get a second date, it is a done deal. A relationship is mine if I want it.
I have made plenty of mistakes over the years however. But usually the ones I lose are the oddball crazy ones. The ones that don’t fit any pattern that I have seen before, but are none-the-less crazy.
For example, I have lost women on dates 2-5 by not being sexually aggressive enough. This usually happened when women were giving me mixed signals. Telling me either verbally or with body language that they didn’t want to have sex yet, then ending things later complaining that I wasn’t aggressive enough.
I have also lost women on dates 2-5 by being too aloof. Usually hot women like it when I am aloof and not chasing after them. I never, never, never tell a woman she is “Hot” on the first date or even for a few dates after that. I might only begin to tell her after we are having sex, how hot I think she is. But occasionally you get a woman who is “hot” with very low self esteem and she needs that attention from guys that most hot women hate. I lose them because they are not confident enough in themselves to chase after me.
Losing the crazy ones is not a big deal to me, however. In fact, I prefer it.
But, if you are a little crazy yourself, you might like that type of girl. So when you get mixed signals or suspect that there may be some deeper insecurity issues or low self esteem going on with a girl that she is not revealing, be a little more observant. Expect the unexpected.
If I had been a little more observant, I probably wouldn’t have lost the crazy ones either.
And finally remember your sex gradients. I’ve talked about them before.
Remember that “Negative Sex talk” (I don’t like it when guys do this and guys do that”, “You can’t have sex with me, yet,” etc.) is the fist gradient of sexual interest. Positive sex talk is the next gradient.
The physical contact gradients come after those. Light touches with the hands while talking, holding hands, kissing, making out, petting, heavy petting, intercourse.
So when a girl is not touching you or kissing you, don’t necessarily give up on her. Talk to her. If she brings up “negative sex talk” or “positive sex talk” on her own, she is interested in you. But don’t you be the one to bring it up or she might go into “Negative sex talk” as a reaction not as a flirt. Listen to her and see what she originates. Once she brings it up either positive or negative, join in.
Mr. L. Rx
