DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 9/28/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, how do women interpret what we say to them?
Answer: Well, as usual, my answer is that there is no “mythical” woman. All women have different personalities just as we do. Different personalities will interpret what we say or do in different ways. Sometimes they will even interpret what we say or do in the same way, but the same words and actions will create different reactions in different women.
The trick to success is knowing different personalities, recognizing the exact type before you open your mouth, and saying the appropriate thing in the appropriate manner when you know the type.
A simple smile and a “Hi” to one type of personality will be a very effective approach meaning you are a nice guy who is interested. However the same words and smile to another personality type will mean you are just interested in sex and they shouldn’t trust you.
There are some universal communications however, that you should be aware of. For example, when you approach a woman in a bar, club or on the street, the simple approach will be interpreted as “romantic interest.” Rightfully so. Most men approaching a woman in those situations are doing so because they are romantically interested.
Knowing that, you sometimes need to negate that simple communication with words and actions, as the truth is most personality types will be disinterested in you when you approach them solely based on their looks. This means to them that you are interested in them romantically and that you only want sex because you don’t even know anything else about them. The better looking a woman is, the more true this is.
If you approach a woman in a bar or club and you say and do things to negate your “romantic interest” – like not talking about anything sexual, not complimenting them, and not having a grin on your face that gives your intentions away. If you just have a normal conversation with them as if you were not interested, they will interpret this in a different way.
They will see you as a guy who is either not interested in them or who is checking them out. Either way you will get less blow offs, because they won’t see you as just some crude guy after sex. In fact, you will usually create an attraction towards yourself by such behavior. When they start making little flirtations with you, then it is safer to respond appropriately.
Of course you will lose the occasional girl who is looking for an aggressive guy who will flirt with her, but truth be told, in bars, clubs, and meeting random women on the street, that is 1 in a 100 or more. The better looking the woman is, the odds become even worse.
So there is mo magic answer here. The best advice I can give a guy is to look at things from the women’s viewpoint. Some things are not as complicated as they may seem. I once dated a girl who was so beautiful that she came home with 15 business cards every day from men who approached her and told her how beautiful she was. Now put yourself in her position. How would you interpret what those men wanted? How would you feel about that if you were a beautiful woman who also had a brain? What would you be looking for in a man who approached you? Good looks? Or someone who might notice that you also had an intellect and could have a decent conversation with you?
Put yourself in the woman’s position. You might find that it is not that hard to figure out how women interpret what men say and do.
Mr. L. Rx
