DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 7/13/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, I have trouble being monogamous. How do you get yourself to accept only one woman?
Answer: Well, personally I have always been a monogamous man when I am in a relationship, such as a marriage or a girlfriend. However, when I am not in a relationship I am not monogamous. So I guess, I can understand a little bit of both sides of the coin. Of the two, however, I prefer monogamy.
The only reason I am not monogamous when I am not in a relationship is because I am still looking. I don’t want to tie myself down to one person while I am in the looking and exploring process, as it would curtail my looking and exploring and my ability to find my next monogamous relationship.
But that is me.
I have observed , however, that when guys can’t be monogamous, it is usually because they have never gotten out of the “looking and exploring” stage. There is still something that they are trying to learn about themselves or women, and hence are on a continual “search”.
If you find yourself on a continual search, you are not ready for a relationship. First thing you ought to do is admit it to yourself, and decide to finish your learning and exploring stage so you can move on someday.
How do you finish your learning and exploring stage – usually by having a lot of experiences. You need to meet and learn about a lot of women. Now the only thing you can do wrong when you are in the exploring stage is “lying”.
Don’t lie to the women that you meet and pretend like you want to have a relationship and that you can be monogamous when you can’t. You will get a lot further and have a lot more success with women if you are just honest and upfront and tell them that you are not looking for a relationship and that you can’t be monogamous.
I have done this several times in my life when I am in between relationships and believe it or not, while some women will reject your cavalier attitude, there are plenty of women who can accept you and will have a non-monogamous relationship with you if you are just honest about it. Sometimes they are looking for the same thing. Sometimes they are not. The key, however, is honesty. Honesty prevents people from getting hurt. It also helps people who are on a “learning” quest to learn and grow.
Sooner or later, if you are just honest and you meet and experience a lot of women you will satisfy whatever it is you have to learn and you will arrive in a space where you are ready and desiring a monogamous relationship. Everyone is different. For some people it could take a year, for others a lifetime. You just have to be willing to experience whatever it is you need to experience to learn and move on. Just remember to always be honest and truthful in your dealings with the opposite sex.
Mr. L. Rx
