DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 7/6/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: How do you develop inner confidence when trying to approach and attract women?
Answer: Well inner confidence is mostly something that comes from experience. The more women you meet and approach and talk to, the more confident you will be in the process.
However, the question is how does one begin, when one isn’t very confident. Begin by doing the thing that is least threatening or scary to you.
For some guys that might mean going online and approaching women online. So if that is the case start there and develop that skill. When you get good at it you will then start to meet these women in coffee shops and the like.
For other guys it might be placing personal ads that women respond to rather than emailing women on dating sites.
You can also apply gradients. Don’t start off trying to ask women out for dates. Just go to a mall and walk up to pretty women and ask them what time it is? But do this over and over again until you are completely comfortable with it.
Then you might try asking them a more interactive question, like “Where did you get that blouse? I have a sister who really likes that style of dress.” Questions like these will lead to more interaction than a plain old, “What time is it?”
Of course you can always combine the two. Ask her what time it is, and when she pulls out her cell phone or watch make a comment about how cool it is and ask where she got it.
You don’t have to ask women out or even flirt with them to get experience to build confidence or to build your inner game. Just talk to women at whatever level you are comfortable and keep doing it and doing it. Sooner or later you will get comfortable with it and a little flirt will slip out naturally.
Or you can just start practicing flirting. Start with lower gradients. Don’t say how beautiful she is and go on and on about it. That might scare her. Just make a casual comment and say it only once – “Wow, you have really pretty eyes” or “You have really nice complexion”, etc.
The only mistake you can make here is trying to approach this whole area on too steep a gradient and consequently not doing anything out of fear. Find the gradient that isn’t scary and do lots of it, and you will naturally start feeling more relaxed and confident with women, and you will naturally start doing more and more brave things. Slowly you will overcome your fears.
Mr. L. Rx
