DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, I am totally stressed out when trying to approach women. I get nervous and usually talk myself out of even approaching a woman. What can I do to get over this stressful feeling?
Answer: The thing that has worked best for myself and other guys I have talked to is to use gradient targets, and plan your interactions.
In other words, don’t go out trying to meet and approach women. Take it at a much lower pace. Fore example, try going to a mall and set as your first target to randomly ask fifty women for the time.
You could even break this down further. Approach fifty older, motherly looking women and ask them for the time. Then approach fifty average looking women and ask them for the time. Then approach fifty hot looking women and ask them for the time.
Keep doing an exercise like this that is not very threatening until you are completely comfortable walking up to women and asking them something.
Next, approach women again and ask them for the time then make a comment about her watch or cell phone or whatever she uses to tell time. Sort of like, “Excuse me do you have the time? … Oh cool looking cell. What service do you have?”
Get the idea?
Get comfortable with these lower gradients where you are not approaching anyone sexually and they can’t reject you for your looks, etc.
Next move it up to more of a conversation. But keep it non-sexual. Go to a mall or a coffee shop and look for some attribute you could talk about. For example, if you are a computer geek, look for someone with an iPad and walk up to them and say, “Excuse me I noticed you are using an iPad. I was thinking of getting one. How do you like it?”
Do this for a while with fifty women or so, then try to keep the conversation going with the next fifty women. When they say they like it or don’t like it. Ask them why? Tell them you hear it doesn’t have any USB ports. “Is that True?” Use your knowledge of computers to keep a conversation going.
If you feel uncomfortable, end it and leave. Notice if the person is getting into the conversation or not. If they seem like they want to talk about it, (they are friendly and give you more than yes and no answers) then keep the conversation going. If they are not friendly and give you yes and no answers, then don’t overstay your welcome. Ask a few questions then leave.
Find a topic and excuse to talk to people that is real to you. If you have sisters that you have to buy presents for at Christmas, walk up to women who are dressed sharp, or who have nice purses, or cool shoes and say something like, “Excuse me but I couldn’t help but notice your cool shoes. I am trying to find a present for my sister for Christmas. Would you mind telling me where you got your shoes?”
Now if you do this sort of thing, you will discover every once in a while you find yourself in a natural conversation without any effort. People will ask you questions too, or lead you into a conversation by saying things like, “How old is your sister?” Or, “Oh how nice, I wish my brother would be as considerate” and the conversation will just sort of flow.
In any case, never force it. Just practice, practice, practice approaching on this low gradient until you feel totally comfortable. Then look for those natural conversations to develop. When you get comfortable with natural conversations then the next and final step will be to flirt a little. “Wow, what pretty eyes you have!” or some such low key comment will do for starters.
Mr. L. Rx
