DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 10/25/10
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, I hear a lot of people talk about “sexual communication”. What is this?
Answer: “Sexual Communication” is anything that a man or woman does or says that communicates that he or she is interested in the opposite sex, either generally or specifically.
It is important for a guy to understand how to read sexual communications sent by women and how to send sexual communication to women. Many guys are left in the “friend zone” simply because they don’t know how to use sexual communication to attract women and/or let a woman know that they are interested in her as a girlfriend – not just as a friend.
You see, it is all a matter of gradient.
There are obvious verbal and non-verbal sexual communications that are a high enough gradient that we can all figure them out.
The problem I see is that guys don’t know how to read low gradient sexual communications from women, and guys don’t know how to originate low gradient sexual communications to women. So guys fail to see that a woman is actually attracted to them, and guys blow women away by starting out at too high a sexual gradient.
Now sexual communication is a huge topic – much bigger than I can cover here. But let’s talk about one of the lowest gradients of sexual communications that frequently gets over looked. And that is ….
Being there.
What does that mean? Well, the girl who signs up to be on the dating site, has delivered the first sexual communication. Even if she made no other sexual comment or action, the very fact that she is there is a communication that she is interested in a sexual relationship. This is a general communication, not a communication specifically that she is interested in a sexual relationship with you.
But that is the good thing about dating sites. We don’t have to worry about, “Does she have a boyfriend?” etc. because we know everyone there is looking for a sexual partner.
The girl at the airport or movie theatre who makes a point to sit down right next to you when you are the only person in the area, and there are hundreds of vacant seats is also “being there” and delivering a sexual communication.
Now, the above may be rather obvious to most guys, but a few “being there” situations aren’t and must be treated as potentially a sexual communication and probed a little more to find out just what is going on.
So the clerk in the store who makes a bee line over to you after you walk in and says, “Can I help you?” is being there with you specifically. Now the problem is she could have done this because she is attracted to you or she could have done this because she is just an aggressive clerk looking for a sale.
The girl in the grocery store who sees you buying a certain brand of can goods and asks you, “How do you like that chili?” might be “being there” as a sexual communication or maybe she is just a curious, friendly person who just wants to know if anyone likes that brand of chili.
How do you know if these “maybe” situations are sexual communications or not? Well, you do a light gradient of flirting, and if that attracts her even further, then you know that was her original intent. If it blows her away, then it was probably not a sexual communication.
A lot of guys worry about whether a girl is interested in them as a boyfriend or not, on that first date. Truth be told, however, if you made an honest “date”, she has at least seen you before (not a blind date), she wouldn’t be there if there weren’t a possibility of a sexual relationship. She wouldn’t have made the “date.”
Now that doesn’t mean it is a sure thing. That doesn’t mean you can’t blow it. But if you are worried and think there is no possibility, you are wrong.
She wouldn’t be there unless she considered there was a possibility with you.
Mr. L. Rx
