DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 8/30/10
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, this girl I know at work is flirting with me, but she is dating someone else. What do I do?
Answer: This is a good question. There are a number of reasons that a woman might flirt with you while dating someone else. Not all women would do this, but certain personality types will.
Some women flirt with all men. They basically have a need to feel that they are attractive. This need is more important than their existing relationship. They don’t do anything other than flirt so they do not feel like they are cheating. By flirting with men and getting a flirt back they feel attractive. So in the end it is all about them feeling good about themselves and not about you. They will never go to the next stage with you.
Watch the woman and see if she is flirting with a bunch of men or just you.
Some women flirt with men in front of other women as a sort of competitive thing. Again it is not about you and it is not a flirt that is going to go anywhere. It is simply a flirt that is done in front of other women to show them that they are attractive and can get men or perhaps even to show the other women that they are more attractive than them.
So if this behavior always takes place in front of other women, be a little suspicious of the intent.
Then there are promiscuous women who will cheat on their boyfriends. This type of flirt is usually done discreetly – not in front of others. She does not want to get caught so she will not be flirting with all men or flirting in front of her girlfriends (well maybe she might do this if she can trust her girlfriends). But get the picture? Is she doing this discreetly or on the sly? If this is the kind of flirting she is doing then maybe she is looking for an affair.
Keep in mind, however, that a woman who cheats on her boyfriend will cheat on you. So don’t be tempted into thinking she is going to leave her boyfriend for you or that she would make a good girlfriend no matter the sad story she gives you about her boyfriend. Just remember that if she cheats on him, she is a cheater. She will cheat on you.
There is another possibility that she is just dating, and that the boyfriend is not really considered a boyfriend by her. She might just be dating a bunch of guys trying to see who she likes. The guy she is with might even be an arrangement type of boyfriend – someone she has relations with until she finds someone she likes.
If she flirts with you, and she is rather open about it, and she is not flirting with all the guys or in front of all her girlfriends, then this might be the case. If that is so, ask her about it. Say, “Why are you flirting with me, don’t you have a boyfriend?” See what her answer is. It might be, “Well he is not really my boyfriend, he’s just a friend.”
Another possibility is that she has decided to break up with him, but she might be the kind of personality that has to line up another guy before she can break up with the first one. Hence the flirting is directed at you, not others as above, and you should ask her about it just as above. This one might say something like, “Well, it is just not working out, I need to move on.”
It is one thing to test and look for a new boyfriend by a little flirting. It is another thing to cheat on a guy before you have broken it off. So stay clear of the girls who want to cheat. They will end up doing the same thing to you.
Mr. L. Rx
