DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 2/9/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: What do you talk about when there is nothing to talk about. How do you spark conversation with ANY girl.
Answer: Good question. The best way to spark a conversation is to ask questions.
What do you ask questions about? Well here are three different questioning “techniques” I use.
1) Well, first of all, I always just ask questions about anything I want to know. It varies from person to person. But typically if I am meeting someone new I might ask questions like “Do you have brothers and sisters?” “Do you get along with your parents?” “Do you have a lot of friends?”
Usually a person talks for a while when answering and that gives you more data to ask more questions about. Sometimes I will make a comment if it is appropriate or if they ask me a question in response to my question I just answer their question then ask them another one of my questions.
The hard times are when people just give you “yes” and “no” type answers. That doesn’t leave much to work off of.
2) So when I feel the situation is awkward or the person isn’t talking much (like the above “yes” and “no” answers, then I talk about how awkward the situation is. Say something like “This is embarrassing. I feel so awkward. I don’t know what to say. Do you feel awkward too?”
Usually you can get a little conversation going on that topic and relieve a lot of tension just by admitting that you feel awkward and don’t know what to say. Then move into a question like “Ok, let’s see what we can talk about. What are your interests? Do you have any hobbies?”
3) Another questioning technique is to pay attention to what a person puts their attention on and talk about or ask questions about that. So, for example, if you are in a restaurant and the person you are dating isn’t talking much, just reading the menu, you might say “Kind of an interesting menu. What looks good to you?” That might spark a conversation about food or restaurants and menus, etc.
This technique is also good for meeting strangers. If you are in a grocery store next to some one attractive who is looking at “lamb chops” you might say: “I see you are interested in the lamb chops. Do you know a good way to cook them, I’ve always wanted to try them, but really don’t know how to cook them.”
Remember also that you are not necessarily going to get along with everyone you meet. So if you try, try, and try to get a decent conversation going and it doesn’t happen then this is probably not the best person for you.
Mr. L. Rx
