DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 4/27/09
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
Released by AssociatedNews.US
Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, I visited your website where you talked about establishing “future” when you meet a woman and as you develop a relationship. Can you tell me a little more about that?
Answer: Sure. Future is the whole purpose you are trying to establish with someone when dating them. A relationship is “guaranteed future.” So if you want to establish a relationship with someone you have to start working on establishing future with that person right away.
On a first date, I always look to see if a woman tries to establish future with me. If she does, then I know she likes me. I also try to establish a little bit of subtle future with her, or better yet, I try to get her to establish future with me as the date progresses.
Rather than trying to establish future the obvious way – by asking a girl if you can go out again at the end of a date (and missing all the clues the whole time) – it is better to read her signals and give your own throughout the date.
And it is much better to mix your future with a common interest, rather than having everything focus on just going out with her again. Everyone wants future, but no one wants future with some obsessive, clingy person.
So if the conversation, for example, gets around to a mutual interest, like say Bruce Willis movies, and there is a new Bruce Willis movie coming out next week, that is the time to say “Hey, you want to catch the movie together? It would be fun seeing the movie with someone who likes him as much as I do.”
The biggest thing about establishing future is doing it right. Guys know they have to establish future with a girl. But telling some stranger she is hot, and asking her out on a date doesn’t work most of the time (it does work some of the time depending on the girl) and especially doesn’t work with hot girls. Because it gives the girl the impression (rightfully so) that the guy is only interested in sex.
So when the purpose of establishing future is obviously sex – most girls don’t like it. When the purpose of establishing future is to obviously check her out because you might like her if she has a nice personality and common interests – most girls love it. That’s what girls do. That is what they understand. You’ll score big if you do it this way.
So that is the theme in those first few dates leading up to getting intimate. Once you are intimate, the future factor changes. And the emphasis in the second stage of dating (post intimacy) is establishing just how much future and what quality future you want to have with this person? Do you want daily future, twice a week future, once a week future, etc. and what quality future – Lovers future, boyfriend/girlfriend future, no commitment future, marriage future?
Mr. L. Rx
