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Three Rules For Writing Online Dating Emails


Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx

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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)

Question: Mr. L. Rx, how do you write a good email to a girl on an online dating site? I don’t get many girls emailing me and when I email them I get very little responses – maybe one response out of twenty emails.

Answer: Writing emails is not as complicated as some guys make it seem. Basically, writing emails to meet women follows basic advertising principles. The basic principle I have always followed is the less you write the greater the response. Now the converse of that is the more you write, the more qualified the response.

So when I want to increase my responses I write something short and sweet like “I like your profile. Email me back if you want to talk.” If the girl has any attraction to my profile she will write me back.

Now what you shouldn’t do is write these long, long, emails telling her your life story and what you are looking for. Chances are you will say something that will disqualify you in her mind and she won’t write back.

I only add on to my basic line if I see something in a girl’s profile that makes me want to qualify her. Say I like creative women only. And I don’t want to waste my time meeting women who aren’t creative. My basic might become, “I like your profile. I am looking for a creative type of girl and I thought you might be one.  Email me back if you want to talk.”

So rule number one is don’t write long emails if you want to get more responses. Add information only in the areas you want to qualify for.

Rule number two is don’t waste time going back and forth in an email conversation. Email is very deceptive. People don’t reveal who they really are. A lot of girls are just playing around and amusing themselves via the internet. When you talk to someone live, you can hear their voice or see the expression on their face. Both of these give you an idea about a person’s personality and intentions. Email doesn’t. Email can perpetuate lots of lies – like ten year old pictures.

So go for the phone conversation right away. If someone is really serious about meeting you (as opposed to entertaining themselves by playing with you via email) they will prefer a phone conversation too.

So my second email is usually again very short.  “Thanks for responding to my email. Can we talk on the phone? I am really not very big on email correspondence.”

Now again I modify this only as needed. If a girl asks me a bunch of questions, I might modify it like this: “Can I answer your questions on the phone. I am a terrible typist and I hate taking two hours to answer questions I can answer verbally in about 5 minutes.

The third rule is I usually don’t give out my phone number. Girls who say “Sure, what’s your phone number?”  usually don’t call me back – maybe one out of ten or twenty. When a girl gives me her phone number (which is about 50% to 75% of the women I ask) I then usually end up talking to about 80% of these women.

So this is a key point. When a girl asks for my number, I will say something like “Sorry, I don’t feel comfortable giving out my phone number like this. Too many bad experiences. But if you give me yours I will call you promptly.”

Now this last rule, I do break on a situational basis. If I think a girl is just being conservative and not playing with me, I will say “Sure, my number is XXX-XXXX what’s yours?”  If she gives me hers, then it is usually someone who will call me. If I don’t get a response, then it is usually just a girl playing around trying to see how many guys she can get chasing her on the internet.

Mr. L. Rx

Posted in Newspaper Column, Understanding Women.

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