Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: I have been meeting the most women in bars lately. I was wondering if you could give me some advice on some topics and examples to bring up so I don’t lose the attraction.
Answer: To keep the attraction of the women I have met in a bar or club, I have never had to be a clever or entertaining conversationalist. What I have had to do is the following three things.
First I have had to be an excellent observer. Second I have had to be interested in the woman I am talking to. And third, I have had to be different from all the other guys she meets that are hitting up on her constantly.
If I do the above three things, I have never failed to create, hold and build the woman’s attraction to me.
First you must observe where the woman is at on the sexual scale of interest. I have talked about this before in various places. It begins with negative sex talk, progresses to positive sex talk, then eye contact, then slight brief touching, then extended touching, then kissing, petting, heavy petting, etc.
If she begins with positive sex talk, you must match that for a while then move it up to slight brief touching to keep her interest. If she matches that or moves it up to extended touching, then you must be prepared to kiss her.
Observing where a woman’s sexual interest level is at and matching that or moving it up a level slowly and gradiently will keep her attracted to you. If she is not into a level and you have gone too fast, move back down to the last one that worked to keep her attraction.
Conversation is easy. Be interested in the woman in front of you. Ask her questions about herself. Most women will enjoy talking about themselves and this will give you plenty of fodder to keep the conversation going. If you show genuine interest in learning about her and who she is, this will create plenty of attraction toward you.
If you get the occasional shy woman who doesn’t talk much, keep your observation in. You don’t have to talk to attract a woman. I have gone to many a club where I just established eye contact, danced a little, touched a little then starting making out with hardly a word being exchanged.
For the real shy ones, who are not progressing to touch on the interest scale, ask the questions that interest you. If they don’t say much in reply, then talk about your answer to the same questions you asked. Open up and do that a few times and the girls will usually feel a little less shy and open up to you.
Finally observe the girl before you approach her, or know her type. Watch and see how other guys approach her, what they talk about and what they do. If she doesn’t respond make note of that and don’t do any of that.
Be the guy who is different from all the other guys.
So when you see ten guys approach a girl and tell her how hot she is and she doesn’t respond to any of them, don’t be that guy. Be the guy who compliments her personality and doesn’t mention her looks.
When you see the girl who sarcastically says, “no” to every guy who approaches her with one of her “I don’t trust you” looks, be the guy who doesn’t approach her but comments within her hearing on what a bunch of idiots these guys in the clubs are and how you hate clubs and the whole pick up game. She will approach you.
In a bar or club, women get hit up on all the time. If you are different from all the other guys who hit up on her you will create and maintain attraction.
If you do the above three things, you won’t have to worry about “topics” and “how to keep the conversation going”.
Mr. L. Rx