DATING TO RELATING FOR MEN – WEEKLY COLUMN– 9/27/10
Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, what is rapport and how do I use it when meeting women?
Answer: Rapport!
Well, our trusted Wikipedia says:
“Rapport is one of the most important features or characteristics of unconscious human interaction. It is commonality of perspective: being “in sync” with, or being “on the same wavelength” as the person with whom you are talking.”
Why should you establish rapport when meeting women for the first time? Well it is just one more of those things you can do to create attraction. Rapport works more on the subconscious level, whereas some of the other things I have taught you – like listen to the woman – work on a more conscious level.
How do you establish rapport?
Well, there are three ways that I go about establishing rapport with a person whether in a sales situation, a social situation, or on a date.
1) Body Language
To establish rapport I mimic the person’s body language. If they sit up straight, I sit up straight. If they lean back, I lean back. If they lean in, I lean in.
Posture is one, but there are others. If they are uptight and cold and distant, I am uptight and cold and distant. If they start warming up, I start warming up. If they talk with their hands, I talk with my hands. Get it! Don’t be too obvious. This is subtle. It drives in the “commonality of perspective” or the “in sync”.
2) Vocal Language
If someone starts off talking about casual conversation, I start and continue the conversation at the same level. If they start off getting very personal and open, I become very personal and open with my conversation. I also use a similar style of talking if possible – soft and polite, if they are soft and polite, loud and boisterous, if they are loud and boisterous.
3) Emotional Mimicking
If someone is cheerful and friendly, I am cheerful and friendly, if they are angry and sullen, I become angry and sullen. If they are antagonistic and bothered, I become antagonistic and bothered. If they are fearful or grief ridden, I become fearful or grief ridden.
Now using rapport is my tendency, but I only do these things when I want to use rapport. Sometimes I don’t use rapport. Some people are attracted to “similarity” (that is when rapport works) others are attracted to opposites (that is when rapport can back fire on you).
How do you know when or when not to use rapport?
Well, I observe the attraction factor. When I meet people, I am at first just me – my natural self. If that works then I don’t change a thing. I just be “me”. Now sometimes “me” will naturally be in rapport with the person I am with, other times it doesn’t matter as attraction is there anyway.
But when the attraction factor is low, or the personality in front of me is not very similar to my personality, I first make a decision. I ask myself if I want to get to know this person better (because if I don’t like them – no use wasting any time on rapport). If I do, I will use rapport and the attraction factor starts going in.
Rapport is one of those things that seems to work for me when all else fails. Once I establish rapport I say the same things and do the same things I would normally say and do. I just say them in a way that is consistent with the rapport I have established.
Mr. L. Rx
