Talk To Women
How to talk to women. This is a very difficult subject for a variety of reasons.
A good example of this is my article on meeting women in bars and clubs. (http://datingtorelating.info/how-to-pick-up-women-in-bars-and-clubs/ ) If you read it, you will see that to deliver the same basic communication to different personalities in bars and clubs, I had to approach and talk to the women in different ways.
So, you see, there is no ONE way to talk to women or to men. Anyone who tells you there is one way to talk to women is lying. Knowing this is what makes an expert salesmen or an expert dating guru. Pitches and lines will only work on a small percentage of people. An expert knows all the different ways to communicate the same idea to different people. So an expert salesmen or an expert with women approaches that 80 to 90 percent success ratio, that pitches and “lines” can’t achieve, as he is able to adjust his communication to the person in front of him. This is how you talk to women.
The salesmen who use one pitch on everyone and the dating gurus who treat all women the same will have a smaller percentage of success – usually around 10 percent but some times as high as 30 percent or perhaps one could even achieve a higher percent if one controlled the environment he was pitching to. But when we talk about the general public the expert will still achieve those 80-90 percent success ratios and the pitch salesmen and dating gurus who treat everyone the same will invariably have a success ratio ten percent or lower.
So having said that, knowing that there is no ONE way to talk to women, any expert knows which technique will reach the most people, work most of the time, even though it is not right for everyone. So that is what we will talk about here. There is no one way to talk to women; however, what I will talk about here is the best way to talk to women in general.
Now, let’s look at this concept of “How to talk to women” a little further. What do we mean by “talk to women” ? Do we mean actual communication? Let’s define communication as having something to do with understanding. In other words communication is talk that results in someone understanding what you are saying, from your point of view.
But there is another type of talk. Talk aimed at producing a result. It is aimed at getting someone to do something or it is aimed at creating an effect on someone. We don’t really care if the person understands our viewpoint as long as what we said gets them to do, or be, or have whatever it is we want them to do, or be, or have. Any parent knows that if you tell a two year old “not” to do something, he will do it. So that is the type of talk we are referring to in this definition. It doesn’t require understanding. It is just a matter of what we say produces the desired effect on another.
Casual talk on the other hand, doesn’t have much to do with understanding, or a particular desired effect. (Unless we say that the desired effect is a pleasant time while conversing with another.) Casual talk is just something to do to take up time; it can be interesting and entertaining even, but not much to do with understanding or a desired effect on another outside of a pleasant time conversing.
Then there are those people who talk to achieve emotional release. They talk about something that is bothering them for a while and they feel better and get an emotional release. They again are not looking for any type of understanding, or to create a desired effect on another, or to have a pleasant time with another. They just want someone who will listen long enough so they can get an emotional release.
Talk To Women
So right here we have at least four different purposes to or types of “talk.”
- One that achieves understanding of your viewpoint.
- One that tries to create an effect on another to do, be or have something.
- One that takes up time in a pleasant way.
- And one that achieves an emotional release from worries and things bothering one.
Now oddly enough, personality factors intersect with these various different types of talk, because some personalities specialize in one of the types of talk more than the others.
We all have the friend who just talks and talks about their problem trying to achieve some emotional release. They don’t want your advice or attempts to solve their problem. They just need to talk.
We all have the buddies that we can just shoot the breeze with. Nothing in particular just pleasant conversation.
And we all have good and bad experiences with people who say things in order to get us to react in one way or another.
The problem area appears to be the type of communication that results in an understanding of your viewpoint. What are arguments other than two people not understanding each other’s viewpoint. How many times have you been in an argument with someone, in which you don’t feel like you were understood?
Now when we talk about dating and relating to women and how to talk to women, we need to know 1) how to talk to women in order to attract women, 2) how to talk to women in order to qualify women, and 3) how to talk to women in order to relate to them.
How To Talk To Women In Order To Attract Them
Now here is where personality comes in again. Obviously if you were talking to a woman who was a personality type that specialized in (4) above – emotional release – you would attract her by listening to her unburden herself and achieve emotional release. If you were talking to a personality type that just likes to have a pleasant time, (3) above, then chatting in a pleasant way about nothing in particular would score you big points. Just don’t bring that conversation into “unpleasant” realms and you will do just fine on “attraction”.
Now if you are with the type of personality that needs to create effects on you or needs an effect created on herself, (2) above, then let them do so or do so to them and you will do fine on the attraction vector. And if you are with the type of women who longs for understanding and being understood, (1) above, then achieve understanding in your conversation and you will achieve attraction.
Now I suggest you read my article, “How To Meet Women In Bars And Clubs” that I refer to above as I am going to give you some examples here. “Love Girls” would be an example of (1) above, and the “Gradient Girls” and the “Beautiful Tease” are both examples of (2) above, “Boredom Girls” which I minutely refer to in the article would be an example of (3) above.
You see the “Love Girl” was simply looking for a guy that understood that “no games” were necessary. I understood that, therefore instant attraction. The “Beautiful Tease” needed an effect created on her, that I was not attracted to her, to get her to become attracted to me – therefore my “talking” produced instant attraction. The “Gradient Girls” also needed an effect created on them that I was not some typical guy just looking for sex. My talking created that effect and therefore instant attraction.
So you see there is no one way to talk to women to create attraction. But outside of bars and clubs here is what I find works the best when I talk to women.
Listen to women and ask questions. Don’t be concerned about yourself and bragging about this and that. If you listen to a woman and ask questions, she will reveal what kind of talk she likes and you can do the appropriate thing from there, or you can qualify her, and if you don’t like her personality or other things about her, then just say “no” to going any further with her.
MOST of the time I spend about 80% of my time on a date, or in a relationship LISTENING. Girls like that. And that is the best way you can approach “dating and relating” and “how to talk to women” . Be willing to listen to what she talks about, because if you listen you will get clues on how and what to talk about.
LISTEN, and base your conversation off of what she is interested in, and everything should flow naturally.
How To Talk To Women In Order To Qualify Them
How to talk to women when qualifying is easy. Listen and ask questions as above but ask the things that you are interested in and want to know about her. Stay away from blatant sexual remarks and sexual innuendo, though. This tends to push women away and reverses the attraction you have created above.
Now remember that women communicate in subtleties and like it when men do the same. So if you want to know if she likes sex, for example, get her talking about her last relationship, listen, listen, listen. When she gives you an appropriate lead in, ask her if they had a good sex life. This isn’t addressing a sexual remark at her (you are so hot), or sexual innuendo, but it will allow you to learn about what she thinks about sex, what her experience has been with respect to it in the past, and it will allow you to talk about it in a mature adult way.
Some times you can be direct and talk about it in a mature adult way. When I was pursuing my 700 dates, after I established a good “talking” chemistry with someone, I would ask them directly “How do you feel about sex? They would usually say, “What do you mean?” And I would say, “You know, how do you feel about it? Do you like it? Do you hate it? Do you think it is a necessary evil? Or what?” If they probed me some more on why I was bringing it up, I would just tell them the truth, I would say, “My first wife didn’t like sex and it was a big problem in our relationship, I just don’t want to get myself in that kind of a situation again.”
But truth be told, if I did the chemistry part right, only about one woman in twenty would have any concern with my question. Most would just answer my question and tell me what they honestly felt about it.
In order to talk to women to qualify them, you should have a list of questions that you would like to know about any woman – the kind of things that are important to you. For example, for me, after I establish that I am attracted to a woman physically, I like to know if she is intelligent, if she is creative. I like to know about her family and how she gets along with them. I like to know about her friends and how close she is or isn’t to them.
I like to know what her moral code is. I like to know if she is spiritual or religious. I like to know what her career goals are, what her family goals are. And a lot of other things….
Now If I listen to both what she tells me about herself, and the type of questions she asks me, I get a feel for a lot of the above without asking her any questions. Or if she asks me one of my questions, I will answer it and then ask her how she feels about that.
Whenever there is a lull in the conversation, I will just ask her one of the above questions that she hasn’t answered yet. It might be, “So, do you have any brothers or sisters?” Or, “How do you get along with your parents?” Or, “How do you like your job?” These type of questions all lead the conversation in the direction I want it to go when I talk to women that I am qualifying.
There is never an uncomfortable lull in the conversation when I am qualifying a woman. Nor do I talk about myself a lot, nor does she feel like she is getting grilled, because I rarely ask inappropriate questions. Most of the questions I ask are appropriate – based off the last thing she said. So if she says, “ I grew up in Minnesota.” I don’t immediately ask, “How do you get along with your parents?” That might feel like I was grilling her if I kept that up.
I would say, “Oh yeah, I’ve never been to Minnesota, what is it like there?” And after she talked about that for a while, I might then ask, “So, does your family still live in Minnesota, or did they move out here like you did? This leads me into family and after she talks about where her mom and dad live for a while, I might then follow up with, “Do you get along with your parents?” Or “Which parent do you get along with best?”
My conversation always follows a natural progression of asking questions based on what she last said. This allows her to talk 80% of the time, allows me to qualify her, subtlety tells her I am qualifying her and I am interested in much more than just sex, and believe it or not, women really like this. They like being qualified as long as you do it subtly and show you are genuinely interested in them. The genuineness comes from listening and mainly asking questions that are appropriate to the last comment she just made.
Now occasionally you meet a very shy woman, who only gives you “yes” and “no” answers to your questions. This makes the whole process a little harder, as you have nothing to play off of. So in this case, I do a lot more talking, as it is necessary to keep things comfortable. So I might ask her a question like, “Where did you grow up?” and get “Detroit” as an answer. And then ask, “What is Detroit like?” and get “It’s ok” as an answer. In that case I would then offer that I grew up in California and talk about California the way I would want her to answer my questions. After doing this for a while (or several dates) the woman will usually open up and start answering questions the way I want her to.
I personally don’t like shy women, so I usually disqualify them, rather than spend a lot of time on them. Occasionally one is really, really hot and I will spend the time to see if she opens up. Sometimes people are only shy for a while until you get to know them.
The bottom line to qualifying women is to ask questions and listen to the answers and to smoothly and appropriately ask all the questions you need to know about a woman to decide if you are interested in taking it to the next level.
One more thing about qualifying – qualifying and rejecting women who don’t qualify becomes easy if you meet lots of women. You might find yourself struggling with it if you only meet one woman a year or so. And you might set your standards too low due to a scarcity of women.
So do yourself a favor and get a copy of my book “How I Got 700 Dates In One Year” or some such similar book to learn how to meet lots of women. Then qualifying them will work like a charm.
How To Talk To Women In Order To Relate to Them
Well if you have learned to do the above and know how to talk to women to attract and qualify woman with your conversation, the first thing you need to do in a relationship is continue to do the same kind of talk that you did to attract them in the first place. The biggest mistake men make in relating to women is to stop doing the things they did to attract the woman.
This is usually because the guy failed to qualify the woman and got stuck with someone whose personality he really didn’t like. He then did the things he had to do to get her because he wanted sex. Then after he settled and married her or secured her as a girlfriend or moved in with her, he stopped doing the things that he did to attract her because he really didn’t want to do those things in the first place.
Hence, you can see the importance of learning how to talk to women to qualify them.
If you learn how to talk to women in order to qualify women, you will end up with someone you actually enjoy, and relating to them won’t be so hard.
Now depending on the type of “talker” (from the four types above) that you chose, the majority of the time, you will relate to them in the manner their personality dictates. But in a relationship you will usually run into all four types of talk, as no one does just one type of talk 100% of the time. Occasionally you might clash with each other and disagree or just need to talk about something important on which subject you might need to achieve understanding. Other times you might just need some pleasant conversation, other times someone might need to talk for a while simply to achieve emotional release about something.
Then of course there will be the times someone tries to talk to you to create an effect on you or vice versa.
But the personality type that you chose will do one of the above more often than the others, and if you qualified the girl right, you should be ok with that.
But in any case be prepared to listen, listen, listen as long as you are relating, and keep on asking questions because people grow up and change, so you are always sort of qualifying them. And whether your woman is the personality type that talks 80% of the time or the personality type that talks 20% of the time, always listen to everything she says and respond appropriately.
Mr. L. Rx
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How To Talk To Women (c) 2010 by Dating To Relating, Inc.
How To Talk To Women To Attract Women (c) 2010 by Dating To Relating, Inc.
How To Talk To Women To Qualify Them (c) 2010 by Dating To Relating, Inc.
How To Talk To Women To Relate To Women (c) 2010 by Dating To Relating, Inc.