Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: How can I create a better relationship with my girlfriend?
Answer: Well, if you want a better relationship – here is the first rule.
Relationships are created and take continual active work to improve them. A relationship either gets better or worse, there is no static state in relationships – they either get better or worse.
If you create them, they get better. If you stop creating them, they get worse. It’s that simple. And it applies to ALL relationships – work, girlfriend, kids, buddies.
Now my observation is that MOST women already know this and MOST men either DON’T know it, or if they do, they don’t practice it.
So then exactly WHAT are we talking about when we talk about “RELATIONSHIPS” and “CREATE”?
When we talk about CREATING a relationship, we are talking about making a relationship better – more fun, more products, more togetherness, etc. And when you DON’T create a relationship the opposite happens – whether you like it or not – and there will be less fun, less togetherness, less products, etc.
NOW, selecting the right person to establish a relationship with has a lot to do with it. Because you can unfortunately get with the wrong person who will not CREATE the relationship or try to make it any better. But qualifying a person for a relationship is another technology and I address that in other places, and falls more under DATING technology than RELATING technology. If you are in a relationship (even if it is with someone you probably shouldn’t have gotten with in the first place) you are going to first have to try to CREATE your way out of the bad relationship before you give up on it and move on.
Am I being moralistic here? No, I am being practical. If you got yourself into a mess, you need to learn how to do every thing right before you leave and move on, OR ELSE you will find yourself in a situation where you are NOT CREATING with the right person and then THEY WILL DUMP YOU.
So what is CREATING a relationship? CREATING a relationship is doing those things which increase attraction (both physical and mental/spiritual), communication, understanding, mutual survival, agreements between you, and the number and or quality of the products you produce together.
When you are NOT creating a relationship, the attraction decreases (physical and/or mental/spiritual), the communication worsens, the understanding and mutual survival lessens, the agreements between you lessen and/or are broken, and the number and quality of products you produce together go down.
SO Let’s translate this into actions you can do.
Well, you probably already know how to CREATE a relationship. Most guys do it when they are romancing the girl to get her. They bring her flowers, open the door for her, assure her she looks nice (when she is worried about it), listen to her gossip even though it bores them out of their mind, They go to the mall with her when they really hate shopping. They go to chick movies with her now and again. GET IT, GUYS? You know what I am talking about – CREATING is ALL those things you do to GET THE GIRL!
Now the problem is most guys do all kinds of things they DON’T like just to get the girl, so after they get her and feel comfortable in their position – THEY STOP doing all those things that they don’t like.
PROBLEM IS, GUYS, that is the death toll for the relationship.
WHATEVER you did to GET THE GIRL you have to do MORE OF IT, more frequently, and in new and better ways to CREATE the relationship and KEEP her.
Mr. L. Rx