Skip to content


How To Approach Women

Approach Women

Last week one of my friends asked a question about how to approach women, that I thought was worth discussing.  He asked me how to overcome fears that pop up sometimes when we approach women for the first time or even the hundredth time – fears we get even when things are going good.

The truth is it is not an easy question to answer as it varies from person to person. There are literally entire books that have been written on the subject of how to approach women. However, one of the best techniques I have used to overcome my fears usually involves lowering the gradient.

What are gradients? Gradients are like steps on a ladder. If you try to go to the top of the ladder on your first step, it will be impossible and you will fail. If you keep trying it over and over you will start building up a “complex” about failing, and soon not try anymore.

If you try to jump up five or six steps on your first try, it will also be scary – not necessarily impossible but scary. Probability is that if you have no experiences jumping that high you will fail too.

The right approach is to take the first step and then advance, one step at a time. It is the most comfortable way to climb a ladder.

Approach Women

Here are some examples of how I apply that to overcome fears that pop up in approaching women for the first time or one hundredth time.

As most guys do, I often go out to approach women in a social setting. This can be especially scary. So when I am approaching a beautiful woman in a social setting, rather than telling her how beautiful she is and how much I am attracted to her (which exposes my fear of being shot down in front of a lot of people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and simply say, “Hi.” If a girl likes you or is interested in you she will find a way to continue the conversation. If she doesn’t then I know she is not interested in me and the simple “Hi” just appears that I am friendly, not necessarily even flirting, so I don’t feel shot down in front of other people.

If I am starting to date a girl and I feel fearful about approaching her on taking the next step of getting intimate with her, I don’t ask her, “Do you want to get intimate?” I take a lower gradient and ask her if she wants to relax, get cozy, and just watch TV at my house. If she doesn’t want to get intimate she certainly won’t want to be alone with me, getting cozy at my house. Or rather than trying to suddenly “kiss her”, I will simply hold her hand or give her light touches every now and again to see how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will start touching me back to give me the go ahead signal.

Sometimes when I am fearful of confronting a woman about making a move, I even use “multiple choice” as a test of gradients. When planning a date and fearful to approach her directly on the subject of coming over to my house, I might say, “Do you want to (a) go to a movie? (b) go out to dinner? (c) meet up with our friends at the party? or (d) stay home and watch TV and cuddle?

That way I don’t feel rejected if she doesn’t choose (d) as I didn’t directly suggest that we had to do that. But if she does select (d) I know she is ready to take it to the next level.

These are some examples. When you feel uncomfortable and fearful whether approaching a woman for the first time or someone you are dating, on a subject matter you are uncomfortable with,  just try to think of a lower gradient that isn’t as scary and allows you to make forward progress toward your goal. If you do this you will learn how to approach women and how to relate to them very quickly.

How To Approach Women (c) 2010 by Dating To Relating, Inc.

Posted in Approach Women, Articles, For Men.

Tagged with .


6 Responses

Stay in touch with the conversation, subscribe to the RSS feed for comments on this post.

Continuing the Discussion

  1. Honesty Definitely Stands Out As The Best Policy – A Brief Clarification Regarding This Subject linked to this post on September 12, 2010

    [...] very educational and informative. You may want to visit these other sites that can help you learn how to approach women and how to meet women. Share and [...]

  2. Do You Find Yourself Living In A Fantasy? Romantic Relationships Aren’t Always Peaceful linked to this post on July 5, 2011

    [...] so, you can spice it up a bit by being flirtatious with one another. Have you forgotten how to approach women? Get some advice on how to approach a woman and then excite your spouse with words. Several dating [...]

  3. 13 Different Ways To Locate The Perfect Companion | Business Coaching Guide linked to this post on July 15, 2011

    She will most often make a move. But if you want a lot more control over the situation learn how to approach a woman. Learning how to approach women might be fun if you truly apply yourself.

  4. Have You Been Living In A Fantasy? Romantic Relationships Aren’t Always Pleasant » Tracys Zone linked to this post on August 24, 2011

    On the other hand, you can spice it up a bit by being flirtatious with each other. Have you forgotten how to approach women? Get some assistance on how to approach a woman and then excite your partner with words.

  5. Do You Fully Understand The Advantages And Drawbacks Of Adult Virtual Dating Sites? | white women date black men linked to this post on October 2, 2011

    Register and immediately approach women via instant messaging.

  6. Ways To Save Your Relationship linked to this post on November 5, 2011

    Perhaps you’re not prepared for a relationship. Maybe you’re approaching women the wrong way. Perhaps you are sending out the wrong impression.



Switch to our mobile site