Dating To Relating For Men- Advice By Mr. L. Rx
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Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions cannot be answered.)
Question: Mr. L. Rx, How do you approach attractive women in public places, like the mall or a store or even on the street, without seeming like a sleazy type of guy? I approach women all the time and I usually get a phone number, problem is I don’t get many actual return calls or dates after that.
Answer: Well, I have heard this question many times. There are several ways to approach this situation.
First of all, let’s look at the sleazy approach from the average attractive woman’s point of view. When a guy approaches her, and he is a smooth confident talker, and he compliments her about her looks, she may indeed cough up a phone number. But she will also go home, rethink the situation and come to the conclusion that this guy was only interested in her for her looks. After all that is what he noticed and complimented.
Now a lot of the guru’s have boot camps where they teach you how to do this kind of approach. Make no mistake about it, it works. But so does anything that simply gets you to approach and talk to women. They all work but a small percentage of times. That is why you are not getting a lot of call backs and dates.
I have found if you want to approach a woman solely on her looks and still have a chance at developing a relationship, it is better to be genuine, fresh, un-polished and it is okay to be nervous and not so confident.
When I was shy (which I have been several times in my life) I use to approach women anyway and simply tell them the truth—that I was attracted to them, but was shy, nervous, and totally lacking confidence at the moment. I added, however, that I was determined to overcome these feelings. Hence I was talking to them about it.
To my surprise women loved this. Women are nurturing by their very nature, and practically every woman I approached this way desired to help me overcome my nervousness and fears. Married women would even offer to introduce me to friends and give me advice.
So the point here is if you are going to be direct and express your attraction straight up you don’t have to be polished and smooth-talking about it. Just be honest and communicate your true feelings. Women appreciate honesty and they appreciate men who express their feelings.
Another way it could be communicated, if you are not really shy, just uncomfortable, is for example: “Excuse me…I feel really uncomfortable saying this because I hate guys who do this sort of thing, but I am really attracted to you and I know of no other way of saying it other than just saying it, but I expect you to hit me over the head any minute now and tell me to go away.”
Get the point. Just say whatever it is that you honestly feel.
Now the best approach to this whole situation is to start up a conversation that doesn’t focus on looks and sexual attraction and to create “future” on commonality of interests by the end of the conversation. “Future” is a reason to meet or talk to the woman again that doesn’t involve “sexual attraction” or dating.
For example, in a book store you might strike up a conversation about books and get a girl’s number or email so you can give her the name of a really neat book you have at home that she would be interested in.
In a grocery store, you might strike up a conversation about food that ends in you getting her number or email address so you can send her a really neat recipe you have at home.
In any case, this takes a lot more skill than the other approaches above, and takes a lot of practice to master. The end result is, however, that women will accept your calls, return calls and go out on dates with you once you master this approach as this approach allows women to see you as a regular guy with similar interests rather than a sleazy pick-up-artist.
Obviously this is one of the approaches we teach you at Dating To Relating.
Mr. L. Rx